Acting like a dandy will make you late.

I had to drive into the city Wednesday night to attend a function with one of my agency’s clients.

The function was scheduled to start at 6:30 pm, and although it was a Black function, CPT did not apply, as it was being hosted by Republicans.

I was a tad ‘dandy’ getting dressed (dandy=picky and fastidious) and as a result, got a late start.

I am a dandy. Look at how I stand.

I had fully intended to leave at 5:30, giving myself a full hour to travel the 19 miles from my house to my destination.

Without traffic, the trip would have taken 29 minutes.

Accounting for traffic, I figured would add 30 minutes to my trip, so the hour I had set aside would have been sufficient.

But I was walking out of my house at 5:51. Geeeeezzzzzzuuuuussssss!

I’ll just have to put the pedal to the metal. I can get there in 39 minutes.

I jumped into my jeep and it was smooth sailing.

Hit 280 East, jumped on the Turnpike to the Lincoln Tunnel exit and it was all good…that is until I hit 495, and everything slowed to a crawl.

6:08. I can make it into the city in 21 minutes.

6:13. I’d traveled all of a few hundred feet. I’ve still got 18 minutes. I can make it.

6:18. Five car lengths in five minutes? Will you people f*cking drive your cars! I think I can make it.

6:24. I’m a good half mile from the entrance to the tunnel and all I see are brake lights. There’s no way I’m going to make it.

6:30. The source of the snail’s crawl, an accident between a tour bus and a Nissan, take up two of lanes of traffic leading into the tunnel. It looks like there’s no traffic after the accident! Maybe I won’t be that late after all.

6:35. I can finally see the tubes leading to the tunnel, jam packed with chumpish drivers trying to funnel their way down into two lanes. Drive with purpose people! With purpose!

6:49. I enter the Lincoln Tunnel. You people suck!

7:01  I finally get to my destination after being informed that my parking will cost $50 because it’s ‘oversized.’ NY parking garages suck.

Luckily my client hasn’t gone on yet, and the function is just getting started. Yay for CPT time!

Today’s lesson, in prose:

Being a dandy, on someone else’s dime, will make you late, every time.

To be punctual, I’ll give you the skinny. Leave early. The road’s full o’ ninnies.