Man up. Literally.

Be a father to your child!

I’ve just got to get this off my chest.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who dropped a bomb on me about her (now ex-) man and the fact that he allegedly has up to 9 children that he doesn’t take care of (with up to seven different women) or interact with at all.

The madness of her situation made me think about how many other women may be in a similar situation, and the impact this has on the kids.

I watch Maury (I’m ashamed to say, but it’s social commentary), and I’m amazed at all these dudes with 3, 4, 5 (or greater) children, with 2, 3, 4 (or greater) women.

Despite their claims to ‘be in all their kids lives’ I question the veracity of such statements, and the impact these absentee fathers have on their children.

What must it be like to only see your father once in a blue moon (if at all)?

How do you feel when every other kid comes to soccer practice with their dad, and you’ve always only got your mom?

Where do you turn when you hit puberty and have questions about wet dreams or erections?

How do you learn to be a man (or deal appropriately with men), if you have no man to model that behavior for you?

As a father of four, I see how important my interaction with my children is to their development.

I’ve got lots of friends with children, both married and single, and I’ve had the benefit of seeing the great variation in personality, growth and development, which results from parental involvement (and/or the lack thereof).

At the end of the day, children need their parents.

Both parents.

And by ‘both parents’ I mean a positive male and positive female influence in their lives.

But right now, I’m speaking to the men, because women have traditionally been on the front lines rearing children (and should be commended for such hard work).

Men are vital to the development of a child’s self esteem and sense of self.

They are critical to model appropriate behavior with respect to interpersonal relationships with women.

Even if the role is not provided by their biological units, there has to be a man standing ‘in loco parentis.’

It could be a step-father, granddad, legal guardian, uncle, older male cousin, but someone has to be there to provide that balance.

If you’re going to be ‘man’ enough to lay down and make them, man up and raise them when they get here!

‘Nuff said!


Filed under Parenting

3 responses to “Man up. Literally.

  1. 4VTerror

    I couldnt agree more… Unfortunately circumstances are not always ideal. What scares me is that its socially acceptable. Have you heard the commercial on the radio for child support? The baby mama says to the new boyfriend that the babies daddy is paying support. And that he should do the same for his baby. Dude is all baffled by that. The boyfriend comments how his baby moma is only after the money and so on If you listen to HOT 97 you’ll hear for sure. That commerical gets me crazy every time I hear it. That and the Right Sized Smoothies chick but I digress. I understand the point but the delivery is so wrong IMO.

    Seriously men need to do their part, but its a two way street. Scorned Mothers need to suck it up for the kids and do whats right. Both need to set the right example and do the right thang.


    • @4V, I wanted to go much deeper than I did, but decided to leave it alone. This is obviously not meant as an indictment of men who are trying to be involved fathers, but are stymied in the efforts by difficult women, resentful kids, distance, or other extenuating circumstances. There are definitely lots of dudes who would do more if they could. But the majority are more likely the ones targeted by that child support commercial. I’ve heard it, and I’m embarrassed. I mean really? The fact that this commercial casts a man’s obligation to pay child support to the custodial parent as some sort of effort to get money from the putative father is bananas. I can’t stand it. I also cannot stand the Right Sized Smoothies commercial (‘I was like, how did you get so skinny?’) Uggh!

      You’re right on point with your final analysis. Both men and women need to understand that it’s about the kids, and they should learn to work together for their benefit.


      • 4VTerror

        Its so easy to go deeper and get into the dynamic of it. Every time I hear a dude call his girl wifey I’m insulted. Everytime I hear someone say my baby daddy or my baby momma I am mortified. What the hell happened to black marriage, black family and black love? We need to take some needed steps back into time to reinvent and nuture this concept. I look at the Huxtables and think why couldnt that be the norm and not exception?


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