Google sucks balls (and steals Safari user’s information)

I’m sure you’ve heard about the $22.5 million settlement between Google and the FTC to resolve Google’s theft of information by users of the Apple Safari browser.

Apparently, Google pimped a loophole in Safari’s privacy settings designed to prevent third-party cookies.

Employing what was essentially a hack, Google fooled Safari into thinking that a user had interacted with a Google ad.

Once Safari was tricked, cookies were placed on the device, unbeknown to the user.

For a company whose motto is ‘Don’t Be Evil’, Google seems to be pretty rotten pretty often.

Wasn’t there a dust up not too long ago about Google surreptitiously mining its users’ data in ways violative of their own privacy policy?

Mind you, Google was already in hot water for its previous naughty behavior.

This settlement comes in the wake of another 2011 settlement, in which Google was found to have engaged in questionable practices.

Of course, Google has admitted no wrongdoing.

Every time they get caught with their pants down, they do a Sandusky a proclaim their innocence.

“It wasn’t me.”

“It was an accident.”

“They wanted me to stick my cookies in there.”

Lies. Lies. Lies.

And we all know they’re lying.

Google didn’t become the search giant they are by accident.

I mean seriously?

Google employs some of the most sophisticated search algorithms known to man.

They have thousands of Ivy League engineers and computer scientists on staff.

Everything they do is calculated.

So you’ll pardon me if I find it a tad implausible that “an accident” caused them to circumvent the privacy protocols on the browser of its principal rival.

Me thinks not.

More likely, this was a carefully crafted strategy to make more money at the expense of unwitting Safari users.

At the end of the day, as many observers have noted, $22.5M is a drop in the bucket to Google.

They’ll make that shit back in a day.

Since this settlement didn’t include an admission of guilt on Google’s part, it’s business as usual.

We’ll all soon forget and forgive.

Google will get back to playing Big Brother to the unsuspecting masses, all the while flashing innocent doe eyes.

But I’ll not be lulled into a false sense of security.

And know this, Google: you suck balls and one day your evil ways shall be your undoing.