Apple, the iPhone 5 sucks! But I want it anyway.

I can’t front.

Yesterday’s announcement for the iPhone 5 was…lackluster.

There was no ‘ah-ha!’ moment.

At least not for me.

Not only was there no ‘ah-ha!’ moment, but I actually came away rather pissed off.

Perhaps my frustration is a bit premature, as I haven’t actually handled the new iPhone (for some reason, Apple has yet to send me an invitation to any of their events).

But let’s critique review all the new features anyway, shall we?

It’s taller.

So what, we get an extra 80 pixels.

Who cares if we’ll see an extra row of apps on the screen.

Especially if it means that all but the newest apps will be framed by some ridiculous black bars.

Elegant? NOT!

It’s thinner and lighter.

Thin schmin!

I recently got the Samsung Galaxy SIII and you know what?

Thin and light ain’t all that.

I personally like the weight of my iPhone 4.

It feels like I’ve got a real piece of technology in my hand, and not some toy.

It’s not like I’m going to get carpel tunnel from carrying my friggin’ phone.

It’s got 4G LTE.


Now if AT&T could just work it more places, all that extra speed would mean something.

But seeing that LTE icon instead of 3G will surely give some users a warm and fuzzy feeling, if nothing else.

It’s faster.

I’ll believe it when I see it.

Apple claims that everything loads 2 times faster, but is that true material?

Who stands around with a stop watch timing how quickly their apps and web pages load?

Will you even notice?

I doubt it.

Better camera.

Let’s be perfectly clear about one thing.


Sure, you can take quality pictures with it, but damn!

Once you start talking apertures, filters and light moderation, I start to feel like I need to take an Intro to Photography class.

Great. I can take better pictures. NEXT!

Longer battery life.

You’ll say anything, won’t you Apple?

Isn’t this something we hear with every new iPhone release?

But invariably, you’re slapping your phone to the charger far too frequently for any ‘improvement’ in battery life to actually make a difference.

New power cord.

Instead of everything being compatible with everything else, we’ve now got to remember to tote the new 8 pin connector.

Run out of juice and forget your ‘Lightning’ connector?

Oh well.

Good luck finding a compatible cord to borrow from other iPhone users.

Headphone jack at the bottom.

This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.

I’ve always thought that headphone jacks on the bottom (or side) of any media device was poor design.

Apple has now joined the ranks of foolishness by placing a headphone jack in the absolute worst place imaginable.

Now I’ve got to drop my iPhone in my pocket upside down to avoid damaging the connection.

What does it all mean?

In the final analysis, the iPhone is starting to look (and feel) like other phones.

If the goal of the latest iPhone was to be like everyone else, they’ve certainly taken one step closer to achieving that.

I’m not going to say that the new iPhone is indistinguishable from other phones, but as one techie said to me today, “with the latest iteration of the iPhone they’re not too far off.”

But, I still want it…


Filed under iPhone, mobile, opinion

36 responses to “Apple, the iPhone 5 sucks! But I want it anyway.

  1. I’m still at a loss of what the angle is here. In some of the replies you (schukumba) protect Apple while in others you say nothing is innovative about the new product? In reality, computer’s havn’t changed much either – except for performance improvements. This mindset has carried over into the mobile market place as well. I agree that nothing HUGE has improved with the new iPhone 5 however what has really improved with other devices/OS’s like Android? I’ve honestly played with both – my room mate has a Galaxy S2. It’s not exactly the newest of the Galaxy product line but it still let me get a feel for the product.

    I have been an avid Apple user since the first iPhone. I skipped a few generations, went to the 3GS and will now probably buy the iPhone 5. Not for consumer sake to feel like I have the next best thing but rather because I havn’t had a new phone in about 2 years. The current phone is still in great working condition but with a few drawbacks like no siri, no airplay, etc.

    Those are the features that i’m more looking toward. I’ll probably let this current phone sit in the closest in case I accidentally throw my iPhone 5 off a cliff while doing something stupid. The point here is that in my opinion, nothing innovative has really happened with electronics in quite some time. Right now, I’m a college student going for a Bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering. I’m usually keeping up on most technological advances and electronic improvements.

    Another thing that frustrates me quite a lot are the stereotypical responses/insults Apple consumers get. “You have an Apple device so you must be a simple minded monkey and you’re all just blindly following Apple into hell.” Obviously i’m paraphrasing, the good grammar and decent spelling should give that away though.

    The only down side I currently see to the product but has it’s advantages as well would be the closed platform nature of iOS. I currently have my iPhone jailbroken so that I could have all the features I require. I’m partially a software developer so it’s vital to my hobby and current freelance jobs. For example I have SSH and sync my dropbox and google drive files with the SSH to allow me to develop mobile apps that can run any feature I want. It also allows me to work and see team collaboration progress right on the go. Pretty convenient I must admit, but nothing impressive that android probably couldn’t do. The only advantage here that I could see for approved apps is the safety feature for regular users so malware, viruses, and spam don’t fill their phone.

    One other quick topic i’ll brush up on before ending this lengthy post is the fact that I completely agree with your seamless integration comment in one of your earlier replies. This is the MAIN reason I use my device.

    I apologize for the very very lengthy response but just wanted to hear your thoughts.


    • Levi, the angle here is satire. Sure, there are valid points here and there, but the truth is I just like the sound of my own (written) voice. Seriously, though, I play both sides of the fence because I’m not some blind zombie that thinks that Apple is the best thing since sliced bread. I’m also not a hater that rejects everything Apple from a strangely principled anti-Apple stance.

      BTW, I love the tome you wrote. And your proper use of spelling and punctuation.


      • Fair enough. I enjoyed the article anyway. I also enjoy good debate and other views. You’ve just earned a subscriber. Humor, honesty, and interesting content is what drives us to think creatively. Appreciate the response. Not quite sure if the last sentence was sarcasm or not but i’ll take it.


      • Levi, thanks for subscribing! The goal of my blog has always been to inspire critical thought, whether through humor or otherwise. I’m glad it (occasionally) hits the mark.

        I was serious about the punctuation and grammar. Having taught a few college courses, I was appalled at how poorly kids these days write. I’m pleased to see that you take it seriously.

        Keep reading!


  2. Private Private

    The “I just want one” comment is the exact kind of attitude that has allowed apple to deliver substandard products to its customers for the last year now. Brand loyalty to such an extreme rewards companies for not spending the moeny on research and development and shelling a little on hype and marketing.

    When consumers start leaving loyalty behind and buying other products and demanding more for their moeny apple with step up; until then, all the “but I still want ones” are allowing they hype of 2007 when apple was the it phone, to continue to reward apple now that they are no longer it.


    • Private Private, the reality is that Apple has achieve what every other brand wants – iconic status. To be so coveted that users are willing to wait for features that are already out in the marketplace to be incorporated in the device they love – that’s Shangri La. And to be fair, Apple is still pushing the envelope in ways that other brands aren’t/havent – you are aware of the recent patent lawsuit victory over Samsung, right?

      That’s the beauty of loyalty – folks aren’t going to turn away just because the rest of the market says they should. Apple has done much to create this cult of Apple, and the resentment that others feel for fanboys is more attributable (IMO) to envy, than a justifiable argument about the underlying technology that Apple offers.

      No one else – no one – matches Apple’s seamless integration between their products. Their’s is a beautiful ecosystem, where everything works with everything else. When any other brand achieves that type of symmetry, I’ll hear you out. But for now, if you’re simply making a one-off device (or two) you’re not on the same playing field as Apple.


      • ILoveMexicanFood

        This is the best argument, by far, for going w/iOS/Apple products — the seamless ecosystem. You know you will always get the same, smooth experience. So despite a lackluster device release, “ecosystem loyalty” can and will prevail for many.


  3. Randall

    As an apple guru…heh. I feel there must be someone to defend…just for lack of having defense on this forum. Yeah, the fact that it is taller isn’t at all significant…but at least they freakin did it! Mind you, that wasn’t everything they announced. And yeah, a extra row of icons is awesome! Also better widescreen viewing….always a plus. Should have happened earlier.

    Apple wants to be thin. Get use to it. They still pack a punch and get thinner….I am sure it will still feel the same in my hand with a little less fumble.

    4G was coming sometime. I remember when 3G was there..half the time I was getting edge! Probably the same will be true with this..but maybe in a year it will get to be 75% of the time.

    And yes a better camera is better! A camera should always get updated. Hopefully one day they will allow 60 fps and 120 fps. It might be expected, but at least it happens. I own a Canon DSLR and I still want a good camera on my iPhone.

    You don’t want longer battery life??? I don’t understand that one.

    I will probably agree with you on the new connector. I was hoping it would do USB 3.0, which i don’t think it will..which makes it kind of not cool in my opinion. Just think of the faster data transfer you would get with external devices like keyboards and other stuff I can’t think of right now. oh well…

    And as far as the headphone thing, I like how it has moved to the bottom…because when I run when its at the top I have to flip it around so the headphones don’t become all jacked to crap. and then i gotta flip it around on the way out. This will be nice.

    Also, they did come out with something new. Headphones! It might not be the golden egg or some shit like that, but its something they worked on for 3 years. Thats dedication right there. Hopefully they will be good.

    Everyone expects Apple to churn out amazing shit and when they don’t their all like…Apple is losing their potential. Apple has never come out with something amazing every year or so. It usually takes like 4 to 5 years.


    • Randal, it’s all good. I am an Apple defender as well. But in this instance, what is there to defend? You and I both know that this is just how Apple does. There are no bells and whistles to accompany this release. Bigger screen? Faster processor? New connector? Improved display? Thinner profile? Lighter device? For all the supposed ‘enhancements’ or ‘improvements’ how far has the needle really moved with this release? If all you’ve got are new headphones, I feel sad for us all.

      And to be clear, I’m not suggesting that these (small) enhancements aren’t appreciated. But I am saying that it’s not worthy of all the hype. Its simply not.


  4. Scribs

    Thanks for the post. Great post. I’ve had every iphone except the 4s and just like when the 4S came out I feel the “ehhh”. Nothing moving. Nothing innovative. I think apple shouldn’t play catch up they should be the innovators they were. You can’t tell me the 5 was Steve Jobs final product because if it was then he was on meds and on his deathbed and completely not in it. While the 5 isn’t awe strucking I’m still getting it. But this has nothing to do with the fact that it’s the new one. I figured two things. 1. I haven’t ever upgraded through AT&T so I figured I might as well now. 2. I couldn’t wait another 9 months or a year after the last debacle called the 4s. I’m predicting Apple won’t listen and innovate. They’ll probably add a 9 Megapixel camera and duh it’ll be lighter and faster. So instead of waiting for the same song in 9 months I figured I owed it to myself to upgrade. The bullshit that I didn’t like was AT&T charging me $40 to upgrade. Upgrade fees? Really? As for Apple vs Samsung I think it’s great to hear from someone that that has had both. I’d like to hear a little more on that side. As an apple user since 1998 my iphone works well with my life. Plug and play and ease. Not sure Samsung offers me anything as an Apple loyalist that will make me jump ship, not even Apples lack luster iPhone releases. Thanks again for the post!


    • Scribs, thanks for the insight. So far, there’s not much to report on the Samsung Galaxy SIII. I’m still getting used to the interface. One thing that I can tell you that I don’t like is the email client. It’s not intuitive. I still haven’t been able to get my music onto the device. I’ve got to upload it to Google Play first, and then download the music to my device (at least that’s what I think I’ve read). It’s definitely NOT iTunes on your iPhone. App synching? Not. Airplay? Not. Anyway, it’s a much larger device to hold in your hand. A little too wide for me. But because it’s so thin, the width is deceptive. All that ‘shake to update’ is odd because you don’t naturally think to shake your phone to update. I prefer the Apple pull and release that’s built into the iOS platform.


  5. LOL at “but I want it anyway”…. typical fantard.


  6. Apple fans are mindless sh*t eating douches anyway.

    F*ck apple. I’ll be happy when they burn down.


  7. Michael

    Hello Schukumba!
    For some reason I’m still not surprise for this new device. I really don’t see much difference with the other phones already in the market. At this moment all I can see is a bigger phone, that’s it. Apple hasn’t delivered something exciting, great, or new as we’re used to. I was was willing to buy the iphone5 but it seems that I’m bury my money until something better comes off. So far, the Samsung Galaxy seems to be leading the smartphone market.

    Thanks for the post.


    • Michael, your sentiment seems to be echoed widely. It seems like all Apple has done is make a larger phone. Not much else going on. My decision to upgrade to the 5 is driven more because of what I do for a living, than my desire for the ‘latest and greatest’ iPhone.


      • fuckface jr

        Apple fans are like gerbils in a maze looking for a pellet. It’ll be six months before these trendy douchebags realise they forked over hundreds of dollars for another row of lame icons.


  8. Pingback: Listening and communicating in social media marketing campaigns – THE IMPACT OF INFLUENCERS? | ICM Social Media for Marketing

  9. John

    Friends calle me a MacFag because i ll buy it anyway,
    Iphone 5 is not perfect but it is the best on earth


  10. Midnight Raven

    What has Apple actually done with this new phone of theirs? Apart from follow the trends and still produce a rather over-priced useless device.


  11. f*ckface jr

    f*ck apple arrogant c@cks!ckers


  12. Sharkus

    So where is:
    NFC, FM Transmitter, wireless charging, DLNA, Sharing capabilities like sending media through Wifi-Direct or just plain Bluetooth, USB OTG, new design etc etc…

    I’m going to laugh at people with this phone because they’ve just shelled out their money to Apple for a mediocre device.

    (Owner of iPad, SGS2, Nokia N8 and soon Lumia 920!)


    • @Sharkus, you feel me. You own at least one Apple device, so I know you know the lure of these damn things. The omissions are obvious and too many to count. But you’ve done a pretty good job of laying them out.

      At the end of the day, with Apple you’re getting the simplicity of everything working seamless with everything else. I’ve had the Samsung Galaxy SIII for a few weeks now, and I can’t make myself suffer the gauntlet of trying to upload music to Google Play. But with Apple it’s all plug and play.

      So Apple fanboys, like myself, will make do without a few bells and whistles (FM tuner – really?) for the sake of seamless compatibility.

      And wait, 9 months from now, when they release Apple’s iPhone 6, all that stuff will be in there!


      • ILoveMexicanFood

        Hey, first time reader. Really respect how you aren’t afraid of admitting all the faults and short-comings from Apple while admitting being an Apple fanboy.

        I, myself, have gone through all “big 3” mobile OSes — iPhone 3G, Moto Droid X, and now Lumia 900. Really liked the iPhone, particularly app support and general user-friendliness. Went to VZW before iPhone was there and liked the Droid at first with its “openness and freedom” until I realized I was “customizing” and fixing it more than actually using it. Also, droid products in general just seem like they’re beta-stage devices — crashes, resets, freezes, sluggishness, and general out-of-box sloppy feel. Back to AT&T, but was lured in by the uniqueness and aesthetics of the Lumia and WP7. I have to say, out of the 3, I like the Lumia/WP7 the best and I think I’ve finally found “my OS.” NOK/WP7 has what I liked about iPhone/iOS — aesthetics, polished quality, smooth, stable operation, and just general user-friendliness. The differentiator, for me, is simply the unique aesthetics of the OS and device on NOK/WP. I have both mac and PC as well as an iPad 2 (so I still have access to the iOS apps I still want to use 😀 ). I guess you can call me “on the fence” between apple and MS.

        It will be interesting to see what the future holds. Is this the beginning of the end for undisputed iPhone supremacy? Apple has always held the crown with overall ecosystem interoperability. With the looming release of Windows 8, Windows 8 tablets, and WP8, MSFT and its partners are looking to close that gap. In the developer community, it seems there is a bit of a buzz about a more similar development environment for MS products. I think it will be a very exciting time seeing how these two user-end focused ecosystems pans out. It will only be good for us consumers.


      • ILoveMexicanFood, the truth is that Apple isn’t perfect, nor are their products. Thanks for reading!


  13. Thanks for your review- very informative. I was wondering what all the hoopla was about!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s