It’s official. I. Love. Apple. Ode to the iPhone 5.


I’ve been fronting for days now.

“iOS 6 ain’t all that.” I barked.

“iPhone 5 sucks.” I spewed.

I’ve been disparaging Apple because I was on the outside looking in.

Looking over shoulders as folks updated their iPhones to the latest iOS.

Silently coveting the first arrivals of iPhones in the office.

Oh yeah, as throngs waited outside Apple stores across the united states, several shiny new iPhone 6s were delivered to select big dogs at my office.

It was all I could do not to knock a sucka down and run screaming out of the office with someone’s new phone.

If you haven’t actually seen a iPhone 5 in the wild, let me be the first to tell you…

It’s beautiful.

Sure, I disparaged it when I was just looking at pictures.

Yeah, I had nothing but jokes as I reviewed the ‘new’ features (that many have rightly noted exist in other devices well before Apple decided to incorporate them into the iPhone).

But when I first held it in my hands…

I was truly something to behold.

I was lighter, without being insubstantial.

Unlike the Samsung SIII, which feels like a toy, the iPhone 5 feels like a quality piece of hardware.

It’s still the same width as it’s predecessors, so you can still rock off with one hand.

But it’s thinner, which means it slides into and out of your pockets with ease.

I spent only a few minutes with it yesterday, but I knew I had to have it.

So I talked to IT, who told me to cop the iTunes Store app, confirm I was eligible for an upgrade, and place my order.

I was eligible for the upgrade.

I placed my order.

3-4 weeks is what the Apple app spit back.

3 to 4 weeks!

I consoled myself with the knowledge that stores were probably going to be sold out for weeks on end, and 3 or 4 weeks wasn’t really a long wait.

But it was a lie.

It was a lie I told myself over and over as I rocked myself to sleep, weeping with longing.

And then I went to visit my mom and dad in Ewing, where I happened upon my younger brother, Celestine, sporting a shiny new iPhone 6!

I suppressed my initial desire to bonk him on the head, caveman style, and run out of the house, screaming like a mad man with his iPhone clutched in my sweaty palms – confusion (and a dazed younger brother) in my wake.

“Where’d you get that?”

“I know people.

WTF! You know people?

Muthaf…I oughta…

“No seriously…”

“Come on. Let’s go for a ride.”

One hour later, I was holding my own shiny new iPhone 5.

It’s white.

It’s a piece of art.

And I’ve lovingly encased it in a rugged Otter.

I’ve only had my phone for a few hours, and its surreal.

I never knew you could love an inanimate object.

But I do.

Call me a fanboy if you will.

But call me a fanboy with an iPhone 5.

Note: I was a little ahead of myself and previously referred to the iPhone 6.

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