They call me the Sperm Whisperer. Tips for making Boys.


pick a gender

Many of my male friends have multiple girl children, and no boys.

As men are prone to do, they seek solace from other males, collectively lamenting the conspicuous absence of he-who-shall-carry-thy-name.

On the outside, these men love their ‘lil mamas, daddy’s girls, the apples of their eyes.

But on the inside, their stomachs are in knots over the fact that one day, some boy/man will come and take them away, and do things to/with them.

And they’ll be powerless to stop them.

More disturbing than the fear of future violation though, is the fear that their line may come to an end.

Because they bore no heirs to carry their name.

We can speak of these horrors no more.

My male-child-less male friends, seek my counsel, as I have sired two (count ’em up – TWO) male heirs.

I am a repository and wealth of information on child rearing and the like.

And while I also have two girl children, frequently, my sage advice is sought for the elusive prize – how to sire a male child.

Now outside of expensive artificial insemination, through which one can virtually guarantee the sex of their child, few know of any real non-clinical methods for obtaining the desired sex.

All too often, men find themselves sweating bullets (and praying) as the ultrasound technician looks for the telltale protrusion that says B-O-Y.

All too often, they mask their inner sorrow, when the telltale sign is not there.

If our spouse (or baby mama) wants to be ‘surprised’, we wait with bated breath in the delivery room (or at the bar) for word of the sex of the child.

Armed with a box of Cohibas, we wait to hear “it’s a boy”.

Only to hand them out, half-heartedly, when “it’s a girl” is delivered instead.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Hear me now men!

It doesn’t have to be this way!

If you want a boy, gather round, and let me learn ya.

The wisdom I pass to you, has been passed down for generations.

The tips I outline here, are tried and true.

While some may be skeptical, know ye this…

I have used them myself and have the gonads to prove it.

If you’re one, two or three girls deep, and you want that next crumb snatcher to be a boy, follow these simple tips.

Tip No. 1: Have sex with your girl in the morning.

It is a known fact that Y sperm thrive in a base environment. The woman’s vaginal canal area is pretty acidic and generally inhospitable to Y sperm. However, in the morning, before your girl is active, and her body temperature rises (from activity) the conditions of her vaginal canal area are ripe for planting your Y seed. So take her before she’s had a chance to rouse!

Tip No. 2: Drink a cup of caffeinated coffee before having sex.

Y sperm are a particularly slow and pathetic lot. They’re not particularly active, as sperm go. Coffee stimulates the Y sperm, giving them a much needed boost. Having a strong cup of black coffee, before you do the deed, gets your boys ready for the task at hand. I’d suggest placing a Keurig on the night stand so that your sperm
juice is on the ready.

Tip No. 3: Have sex doggy-style.

If you’re like me, you’re particularly fond of backshots. However, when it comes to making boys, it’s crucial that you take your woman exclusively from the back. And here’s why. Unlike the X sperm, which have long flagella (or tails), Y sperm have short stubby ones. Thus, they’re not the best swimmers and they tire quickly. So to increase the likelihood that they’ll be first to the egg, you’ve got to shorten the distance your boys have to travel. By doing it doggy-style, you’re placing the end of your penis junk manhood as close as possible to the opening of the cervix, increasing the likelihood that your caffeine-wired Ys reach the prize.

To recap: sex in the morning, after a cup of black coffee, doggy-style.

Got it?

By now, I’m sure that many of you are thinking “that Stephen Chukumba has finally lost it.”

Indeed, as I shared my tips with several of my colleagues yesterday, there was skepticism and chuckles all around.

Sure, it sounds/sounded ludicrous.

But these are scientific truths I’m spitting.

Hey, don’t take my word for it.

how_to_choose_the_sex_of_your_baby

Check out How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby, by Dr. Landrum B. Shettles.

The tips I’ve share with you, are part of the Shettles Method of gender selection.

So Rodney, Anthony and any other male within the sound of my blog, if you want to get that boy (or that girl), heed my words.

They don’t call me the Sperm Whisperer for nuthin.

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2 Comments

Filed under Smack talking

2 responses to “They call me the Sperm Whisperer. Tips for making Boys.

  1. commutefromhell

    As funny as you sound right now, you’re NOT the only one who practices these “specific gender-inducing” methods, as I like to call them. My friend had a girl first and wanted 2 more kids (a boy then a girl, in that order). She practiced her “methods” and wouldn’t you know it, out comes a boy the next time and then a girl the third. It’s like magic!

    Like

    • Listen Cara, I never suggested that I was the ONLY one who practices these methods. But my audience were MEN who had/have girls and needed help. For too long, women have been blamed for not producing boy children, when, in fact, it was the men who were at fault. It is not magic, my child. It is science. I’ll have no more of your insolent talk!

      Like

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