Sorry Siri. But you suck. Siri-ously.


I was struck by a really good idea the other day, driving home.

Ordinarily, I’d just whip out my iPhone, tap a few notes as a reminder and keep it moving.

But since I was driving, I couldn’t.

I’ve got a voice memo app on my phone, which I could have used.

But I’ve never gone back to listen to any recording I’ve ever made, and this time would be no different.

So I quickly deaded that idea.

But immediately, another, more intriguing solution sprang to mind.


Since my previous phone was the 4 and not the 4S, I never got caught up in the whole Siri frenzy.

Martin Scorsese, Samuel Jackson, and Zooey Deschanel did nothing to convince me otherwise.

But driving along the other day, I was compelled to give Siri a spin.

I just couldn’t lose this train of thought.

Sitting at a light, I pressed my home button, bringing Siri to life.

“Siri take a note.”

“What would you like the note to say?”

Dictated a few lines.


And then, gobbledygook.

'Woodfon' Siri? 'Fandor'? What are these words you're making up?

‘Woodfon’ Siri? ‘Fandor’? What are these words you’re making up?

No punctuation.

A few made up words.

Oh well, I could clean it up later.

Having captured the essence of the thread I wanted to build upon later, I then tried to get Siri to email me the note she had just created.

“Siri, email me my last note.”

“I don’t know who you are. But you can tell me…”

“In Siri settings, tap on ‘My Info’ and then choose yourself from your contacts.”

Seemed reasonable.

Except for the fact that I was driving and couldn’t!

Not to be deterred, I did as she asked at the next red light.


Back to Siri.

“Siri, email me my last note.”

“What would you like your email to say?”

An email dialogue, with the subject line “My last note” opens up on my screen.

Bitch! I don’t want to send an email about “My last note”.

I want you to email me my last note.

“Siri, show me the last note you took for me.”

“Ok, I found this note.”

What pops up is NOT the last note that she took for me, but some other random note.

“Siri, show me all the notes you have made for me.”

“Ok, I found at least twenty-five notes.”

Heifer, I’ve only made one note with you!

“Siri, show me the notes from today.”

“Okay, I found this note:”

Finally, we’re getting somewhere.

“Siri, email this note to me.”

“I’m not allowed to share your notes, Stephen.”


“Siri, why can’t you share my notes with me?”

“I didn’t find any notes matching ‘Siri why can’t you share my notes with me.'”

I was done.

When I got home, I tried to run Siri through a few paces, while I wasn’t driving.

And could focus.

It was a fool’s errand.

Now, I consider myself a fairly intelligent person.

But for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out the right combination of words to get this broad to do anything.

Aside from the most basic shit, Siri was pretty useless.

And from a purely assistive perspective, Siri sucks.

There are too many things that are common parlance that Siri completely flubs.

And if one is required to go through all kinds of linguistic and mental gymnastics to make one understood by their digital assistant, what the fuck good is it?

Don’t mind me.

I’m just venting.

I’m sure that Siri is really good for some folks.

But if that bitch ever crosses my path again…it’s on.

1 Comment

Filed under iPhone, mobile, opinion

One response to “Sorry Siri. But you suck. Siri-ously.

  1. Hmm, looks like my email settings aren’t working for your blog. I can’t believe I passed this up. Shame.

    Anywho, I have to agree. Siri was surprisingly disappointing. She functions well for basic functionality but have her do something advanced and shes likely to re-route your GPS into the middle of the ocean. No, seriously.. it’s happened! I’ve found myself trying to accomplish somewhat simple minded tasks but for Siri those tasks seemed to be too advanced for her extremely sophisticated Siri servers and technology. Off the top of my head, I don’t really have any examples but you’ve pretty much nailed it.

    A little off topic, after checking out the new Mountain Lion OS (OSX) I was also disappointed that something as simple as an IMDB app in the Spotlight (the same functionality as the iPhone) was NOT available. This blew my mind. The absolute best (or worse) thing I could find was a widget made years ago that no longer seemed to work. After further research I was disappointed to find out that Spotlight will only categorize and catalog existing files and such. Wouldn’t Spotlight be SO MUCH better if people could extend the functionality using plugins and such? Think of the possibilities, go to spotlight and have similar functionality as the iPhone. I.E: “What is playing at the movies?”, “Find me a good soup recipe.”, “What is the movie Warm Bodies about?”…. The list goes on. Unless I’m completely missing something minimal, WHY OH WHY is this not available when the technology exists already?

    In the off chance I am missing something, just a note; I just recently tried out OSX using a legitimate copy of Mountain Lion on VMWare. As far as I know this is legal even though it may break Apple’s EULA.

    What kinds of OS’s do you use or have tried?


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