Monthly Archives: April 2013

Google Now and Siri. Friends or Enemies? Frenemies.

There can only be one!

There can only be one!

Didja hear?

Google Now is now available on iOS!

Aren’t you glad?

No?

Are you saying you’re not up on Google Now?

Google’s version of the personal assistant.

Well let me disabuse you of your ignorance.

About a year ago, when Google introduced it’s intelligent personal assistant for Android , many prognosticated the end of Siri.

Although Google Now wasn’t available for iOS, it was compelling and differed starkly from Apple’s PA offering.

For one, there was no Q&A.

You didn’t have to ask Google Now anything in order to get information.

Simply dial up the app, and it presented you with multiple options, all gleaned from you.

No questions asked.

More importantly, Google Now was intelligent.

Siri is stupid.

No learning curve.

No matter how many times you ask Siri a question, she’ll never intuit that you may be asking her to repeat a function she’s performed in the past.

Dumb dumb. You make me sick.

On the flip side, Google Now takes all the information it already knows about you and serves it back to you before you’ve even thought to ask.

The more you do (within the Google suite), the smarter it becomes.

Sounds bananas right?

How the heck can it tell you something about something you haven’t even asked about?

Magic, duh!

No seriously.

Google Now is an ‘intelligent assistant’, because it learns about it’s user based on that user’s activity and their previous history in other Google applications and services.

Say you’re heading out and start searching for a restaurant, Google Now will show you theaters and night clubs around you to hit afterwards.

Are you a fan of sports? Google Now will automatically update you on the latest scores from all the NBA playoff games.

That was then.

This is now.

And the feared rivalry is no longer conjecture.

Google Now for iOS is here!

Don’t look for it in the App Store though.

It’s not a stand alone app.

It’s an update to another app, Google Search.

I’ve got the Google Search app on my iPhone.

And lo and behold! There’s an update for it.

Update the app and Google Now is front and center with a little informational video.

Google Now on the iPhone 5

Click through the navigation buttons, and Google Now walks you through the various utilitarian ways that it can help you.

From traffic alerts on your commute to work.

To flight information when you travel.

Google Now places a bunch of ‘cards’ at the bottom of the search screen, which you simply swipe up from the bottom to access.

My initial foray into Google Now served up the weather and a bunch of restaurants around the office.

There was also a card with an upcoming conference call.

Snorelax!

I’m sure folks with more exciting lives – or who live in Google – have infinitely more exciting stuff popping off.

If you’re (justifiably) paranoid about the privacy implications of yet another Google service, rest easy.

You’ve got to authorize the app to use your personal information.

But once you do look out!

Not really.

There are a bunch of things you can do on an Android which you can’t on your iOS device.

So that clever little swipe up from the bottom of the phone to activate Google Now – deaded.

Things like Fandango, Boarding Pass, and Events are all off limits too.

Not much of a rivalry.

I doubt I’ll remember to use the search app to look for shit anyway, even though its on my device.

So I probably won’t get much out of Google Now.

But the rest of you blokes should use it and tell me what you think.

Is Google Now the right information at just the right time?

Or will this be just another unused app icon sitting on your phone?

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Filed under apps, iPhone, mobile

The Life Digital. Atari to iPad: Growing Up In the Digital Age (an introduction)

Atari to iPadYou know I’m writing a book right?

I posted about it a minute ago.

And true to my word, I’ve been working diligently to bring this bastard to life.

I started with a few chapters.

Got stuck.

Ditched ’em.

Started again.

And then it dawned on me – most books I’ve ever read, have some sort of introduction.

So I thought that I’d start mine with one.

Mind you, this is a work in progress.

So if it seems kinda short.

Or rambly.

Or totally incoherent.

Indulge me.

As I’ve never written a book before, invariably there will may be (poorly written) fits and starts before I hit my stride.

Forgive me.

Here goes nothing:

According to geek legend, 1969 was the year the Internet was introduced. Although I was just an itch in my dad’s nutsack in ’69, it was an auspicious year nonetheless.  My dad and mom just had their first kid, my sister Beatrice, a year earlier. But Uneze wasn’t having a wife that wasn’t popping out kids.  And like the researchers who introduced the internet to the world, my dad introduced his spermatozoa to an egg inside my mom, and I was conceived. Although the Internet wasn’t really mainstream until a few decades later, it’s introduction at the dawn of the 70s was a powerful sign for the decade to come.

I was born on April 21st 1970. According to Wikipedia, that was the 111th day of the year. 111 is a toilent number. A perfect number. So I was born on a perfectly numbered day, in the dawn of the the Internet. It wasn’t like I was born on the day the internet was created. That would have been something. But being born in the wake of it’s introduction clearly had a powerful impact on me – if only viscerally.

And I wasn’t alone. While computer and engineering geeks at universities across the globe were inspired by invention, they weren’t the only ones fussing about with wires and circuit boards. Pockets of garage warriors and hobbyest were tucked and tinkering away in clandestine labs all over the world, making the gadgets that I would come to fall in love with through the years.

I’ve touched and been touched by many of the technologies, analog and digital, trends and advances made over the past 40 years. And I’ve experienced many of them as a consumer, insider and observer. These gadgets and gizmos have directly and indirectly impacted me and conspired to form the person I’ve become today: techie, guru, advocate, evangelist, fan.

As a result, I’ve lived my life on the leading/bleeding edge, always on the look out for the next big thing. That next phone, app, technological advancement or signpost signaling yet another leap forward. From the Atari gaming console I begged our parents to buy, to my iPhone 5, technology has been an integral part of my life.

This book will examine the tech trends, hits and misses from the last four decades from the perspective of someone who has lived and continues to live in it, through it and with it. I’m going to examine the technological advances that have occurred, big and small, and show how these advances have changed us – made us who we are today.

I hope you’ll find some wisdom in these pages. If not, maybe you’ll enjoy the walk down memory lane.

So what do you think?

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Filed under digital advocacy, technology

Namaste bitches! A Black Man’s Guide to Yoga.

Namaste bitches courtesy of regretsy.comYesterday I took my first yoga class.

That sh*t was no joke.

If you had asked me what I thought of yoga before the class, words like smelly, sweaty, crunchy and weirdos in strange poses, come to mind.

It certainly would not have been: strenuous, challenging, or bad-ass.

Who would have thought that yoga was the official full body workout?

Seriously, its up there with P90X and Insanity.

Without all the jumping around.

But since having my yoga cherry popped, I have a new-found respect for that-which-I-formerly-dismissed.

I titled this A Black Man’s Guide to Yoga because yoga has always been something that white chicks, Asians or gay men did.

I’m soooo PC.

But a Black man doing yoga?

As the infamous Ed Lover says “C’mon son!”

If you’re like me, at first glance, yoga seems innocent enough.

It’s like stretching.

Do a bunch of poses.

Breathe.

Throw in a couple of ‘Oms’.

And you’re done.

Right?

Wrong!

Sure. You do do poses.

But you pose with intention.

And you hold your poses.

For what seems like an eternity.

Every movement is purposeful.

Even your breathing is purposeful.

Inhale.

Exhale.

No. Don’t just inhale and exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

See the difference?

Fuck you.

It doesn’t translate all that well in text.

But take a yoga class and you’ll get it.

My girl Oneika Mays (total bad-ass) completed her teacher training a few months ago and has been imploring me to take it up.

So yesterday, I took her up on the offer.

How hard could it be?

Hard!

Real. Fucking. Hard.

Mind you, I’m no punk.

But I was on the verge of crying like a byatch yesterday.

Not really.

But I did want to slap the shit out of somebody.

Anybody.

Just something to distract me from the pain.

Who knew yoga would make me want to slap my momma?

Yoga looks so easy.

It is anything but.

Five minutes in, I was sweating like a slave picking cotton in the middle of a African summer.

I never thought downward dog would make my triceps scream.

Or that warrior one would put a serious burn in my quads.

Sit-ups and crunches pale in comparison to the ab workout I got activating my core doing those damn poses.

I was at my wits end when we finally got to shavasana, or corpse pose.

Which is essentially playing dead.

The corpse pose is the last pose in a session, meant to relax you.

And (thankfully) it washed away the pain from the previous 50 minutes.

I walked away from class like nothing ever happened.

Must have been the endorphins.

So children, what is the takeaway from all this?

Yoga is awesome.

Period.

Oneika, signs off on all her blog posts with “Namaste”, a customary salutation among Hindus and Buddhists.

But since I’m a Black man, I’ve got to flair it up a bit for my peoples.

So Namaste bitches! I bid you farewell.

Now go do some yoga.

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Filed under advocacy, yoga

Twitter #music. #WTF? Twitter throws it’s app into the music ring.

Twitter-Music

Didja hear about the new Twitter #music app?

No, that’s not a mistake.

Not the “didja”.

I know didja is not a word.

I’m talking about the name of the app.

Twitter #music.

Yes. The hashtag is part of the name.

They’ve taken this hashtag thing too far!

Anyway, today Twitter released it’s new music discovery app with an exclusive on Good Morning America.

Why Good Morning America?

Who the fuck knows.

Let’s move on, shall we?

Write-ups in TechCrunch and Wired said that the app helps you find new music.

And I was curious to check out Twitter’s entry into the music biz.

So I downloaded the app and put it through its paces.

When you download the app, you’re presented with four tabs.

Twitter Charts, Follow Artists, Tweet Tracks and Listen Now.

Don't bother pressing the icons. They don't do anything.

Don’t bother pressing the icons. They don’t do anything.

Getting to each tab is as simple as a swipe.

What does the app do?

Well, its supposed to help you find music and artists you like.

To get started, you’ve got to click “Listen Now” on the fourth tab.

I pressed the little icons from the home screen like a moron (think Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in Zoolander) before I realized how to use the damn thing.

Frustration aside, Twitter #music isn’t half bad.

If you select Popular (highlighted on the Twitter Charts page), the app will show you music that’s trending on Twitter.

Select Emerging (similarly highlighted) and you’ll find hidden gems that folks are posting in their Tweets.

Emerging #music

Find hidden talent in your tweets.

Sign in, and you can now share your music preferences with your followers.

And peep music from artists and friends.

Now don’t get it twisted, Twitter #music isn’t Pandora, Last.fm or any other streaming music service.

You’re only getting snippets of the songs.

But if you want to listen to the whole song, you can sign in to your Spotify or rdio account.

Hear something you want to own, you buy it right from iTunes.

I was lost for an hour messing around with this damn thing.

It’s quite addictive.

I dig the UI for the app, which is clean and polished.

Aside from the Zoolander landing screen/tabs thing, everything else works intuitively.

Menus are easy to get to.

And navigation is a breeze.

I guess that’s what happens when your beta testers are artists and music industry insiders.

If you’ve got cash to burn, you can really get things right.

Twitter’s follow-up to Vine is a doozy.

I predict that Twitter #music is going to #takeovermusic.

But don’t take my word for it.

Cop the app for yourself and you’ll see.

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Filed under apps, social media

Be the Brand. Tips from the (pseudo)master.

Note: This post was originally published August 25, 2008. But it’s so good I just had to reblog. Enjoy.

be-the-brand

I’ve written other blogs on other topics before, but never with the sense of purpose I have today.

Not to say that I’ve never had a sense of purpose in the past.

But I feel singularly inspired to write this blog because its all about me.

‘Who am I?’ you ask.

Entrepreneur. Brand strategist. Technology evangelist. Marketing maverick. Biz dev specialist. Trend setter.

I’m the guy who tells you like it is, whether you want to hear it or not.

To put it simply, I’m that dude.

You know who ‘that dude’ is.

He’s the guy that everyone acknowledges (implicitly or explicitly) when he walks into the room.

The one that you’ll remember years after you’ve met him.

The one that everyone aspires to emulate.

The one with the aura, the gift, the presence.

He’s that dude.

We all have ‘that dude’ in us.

It’s that aspect of us that tells really funny jokes.

Or knows how to solve complex equations in our heads.

Or has ability to remain cool in the face of difficulty.

The ‘go-to’ guy when things really need to get done.

Being the brand is the act of cultivating the ‘that dude’ in all of us.

I want to demonstrate the power of my mantra, ‘Be the Brand,” using myself as a living case study.

I’m not particularly famous.

If you Google “Chukumba” you’ll see about 27,000 results.

Add the qualifier “Stephen” and that jumps to about 37,000.

Not bad, but nothing really if you consider the 37 million results generated by searching for the term ‘Oprah’ or the 40+ million generated by searching the term ‘Donald Trump.’

Oprah and Trump are classic examples of iconic figures with huge brand recognition.

When Oprah Winfrey started O Magazine, people said, “She’s so vain. Why does she need to be on the cover of every issue?”

I thought, ‘that’s brilliant!’

What better way to promote your brand than to put your face on everything you put into the stream of commerce?

Oprah didn’t become a billionaire by promoting other people (although she has made quite a few people rich from her promotional prowess).

She promoted herself.

Similarly, when Donald Trump started ‘The Apprentice’ people thought “Who does Donald Trump think he is?”

He’s practically bankrupt!

But Trump is a perfect example of the value of self-promotion.

Love him or hate him, you’ve got to deal with him because his face, his properties, and his brand are everywhere.

Despite his well publicized failures, you’ve got to concede his staying power and presence are indomitable.

There are countless others who fit the Oprah/Donald Trump mold, both famous and unknown.

I include myself in their ranks, and I am going to prove that anyone can be the brand, if they want to be.

Being the brand is a perspective that allows you to define yourself and your world-view in a way that sets you apart from the crowd, but without thrashing others in the process.

So stay tuned to see what I’ve got to say.

I’ve got a lot to say-I’m quite verbose.

Hopefully, you’ll come away with lots of good advice.

And at least it’ll make for some interesting reading!

Now go be the brand!

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Filed under branding, Smack talking

UPDATE: Funk Flex is so digital. And so mobile too.

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FunkMaster Flex is one of the most widely recognized DJs in the world.

He’s an on-air personality and radio icon whose name is synonymous with New York.

He has broken a slew of records and established innumerable artists.

His ‘bomb drops’ are the virtual equivalent of a platinum plaque.

If Flex drops a bomb on your record, you’ve made it.

Flex is not just a master of the airwaves.

He’s also recognized as a serious car enthusiast.

Flex is a staple at car shows.

His passion for cars rivals that of Jay Leno.

But what I find intriguing about him, is his digital game.

When it comes to online and social media, Flex is not to be trifled with.

In fact, he frequently states “I’m so digital NY,” on his daily slot on Hot 97 FM.

With over 687,000 Twitter followers, almost 67,000 likes on Facebook, and over 166,000 followers on Instagram, his digital footprint is impressive.

And now, it appears that he’s crossed yet another threshold.

Mobile.

On Wednesday, Funk Flex dropped the FunkMaster Flex iPhone app.

Having previously announced the release of DJ Rich Medina’s app a few months ago, I was curious to see what Flex was coming with.

So I went to the App Store and downloaded it.

At first blush, it seems like a fairly simple app.

The home screen alternates between images of Flex, black t-shirt clad, hat to back, pointing menacingly at the camera.

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Atop his image sits his familiar red FMF logo.

At the very bottom of the screen is a music player, featuring a play/pause and fast forward buttons, and short description/title of what’s playing.

Between the image of Flex and the music player, sits a clever little carousel.

With icons that allow you to navigate to the various other features of the app.

There are sixteen such little icons.

Which makes this simple seeming app, not so simple after all.

Indeed, the app is, as Flex likes to say, “a beast.”

First of all, it’s chock full of music.

In addition to the music player on the home page, tapping the Music icon takes you to even more pages of music.

20130412-105507.jpg

Flex gives you instrumentals, remixes, mix tapes and songs for days.

And it’s not just Flex’s stuff either.

Cats like Swizz Beats, Timbaland, the Neptunes, Just Blaze, Pete Rock and others have blessed Flex’s app with some well known (and obscure) instrumentals.

Selecting the grid in the top left corner navigates you back to the home page.

From there, features like Pictures or Videos, transport you deeper into Flex’s world.

20130412-110027.jpg

There’s also a Store feature, which is kinda wack because its the full HTML site on the phone.

But aside from that, there are other fan specific features that make it a cool app.

Now, you must know, I’m no fan of Flex.

If you peep his show, he’s a bully.

He regularly clowns other DJs and basically talks smack.

Considering how long he’s been in the game, you’d imagine he would have matured and achieved a more elevated mindset.

Not so much.

Ego is a bitch.

The day I downloaded the app, I was incredulous.

FunkMaster Flex has an app?

I couldn’t accept it.

So I did a lil’ digging and the app is really just a template.

Almost indistinguishable from at least twelve other apps developed by Salcedo Mobile.

Salcedo has created DJ apps for a host of lesser-known Spanish (or is the correct term Hispanic?) DJs.

They took the meat of the app – all those wonderful features – and reskinned it for Flex.

So while the app is still quite dope, it’s not original.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Says Stephen sarcastically.

I’ve got to give Flex credit though, because the app is dope.

And selecting Salcedo Mobile as his developer sets the bar high for other DJs interested in getting into the app game.

Props aside, one thing noticeably absent from the release of Flex’s app: promo.

Outside of hearing the announcement, there’s no mention of the app anywhere.

If you Google it, nada.

Check InFlexWeTrust.com, nada.

Even if you visit the developer’s site, it’s not listed among their portfolio of apps.

But I’m sure that Flex’s loyal fans will get the word out, so that may be all the promotion it needs.

UPDATE: As of Wednesday, April 17, exactly one week after the release of the DJ Funk Flex app, the app is number 11 (free iPhone music apps) in the App Store.

Funk Flex has some loyal fans.

Funk Flex has some loyal fans.

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Filed under apps, iPhone, mobile, technology

Let’s YO! ain’t your daddy’s ice cream shop.

20130416-084628.jpg

What do you get when you combine flat screen televisions, branded social media feeds, table top iPads and frozen yogurt?

Let’s YO! that’s what.

Let’s YO! Yogurt is an all natural frozen yogurt franchise, known for its innovative use of in-shop social media.

They serve a dizzying array of whacked out flavors of frozen yogurt (about 80 of them), in what has to be the hippest ice cream parlor you’ll ever see.

Let’s YO! is apparently a growing phenomenon.

What started off at a few spots in 2011 has grown to over 30 in just a few years, with locations in Manhattan, Brooklyn and New Jersey.

This weekend I took my kids to their Montclair location.

20130416-095358.jpg

It’s part ice cream shop, part hang out spot, and part arcade.

Let’s YO! is a self-serve ice cream shop, which allows you to make your own cone, cup or sundae.

There’s a big board at the start of your DIY journey, which outlines the simple steps for building your unique frozen masterpiece.

Once you’ve selected your flavors, you can add toppings.

With everything from rainbow sprinkles and M&Ms, to granola and rice crispies, it’s an ice cream aficionados dream.

But the pièce de résistance is unquestionably the iPads mounted to the tabletops through the shop.

Connected to the TV screens, the iPads allow customers to share their experience through social media both inside and out of the store.

My kids eyes bugged out of their heads as we sat to enjoy their cavity-inducing creations, and they noticed the iPads on each table.

Secured in landscape orientation behind green protective casing, the iPads were loaded with a buttload of games and entertainment apps.

The fixed orientation was great for games best played in landscape mode.

Not so much for portrait-only games.

The kids could have cared less about the fixed orientation and lost themselves in gameplay.

I was appalled at the grubby home buttons or sticky screens but I didn’t let it get the best of me.

Does Purell make wipes?

At the end of the day, Let’s YO! is a modernized take on the Carvel, Baskin-Robbins and Ben & Jerry’s scoop shops of old.

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Filed under branding, opinion, social media, technology

Need to do dirt? Get you a Burner (app).

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When Techcrunch, Engadget and Gizmodo all talk about the same thing on the same day, my Spidey-senses start tingling.

So you can imagine the buzzing in my head reading about the release of Burner for Android today.

Don’t want to call your ‘herbologist‘ mom from your regular phone?

Can’t remember if the girl you copped that number from last night was cute (or not)?

Girlfriend mad at you and not responding to your texts?

Take no chances.

Burner is the solution for all that (telephonically) ails you.

The Burner app let’s you spoof your mobile phone number.

Instead of seeing your real number in the caller ID or as the source of a text message, your callers/text recipients see your Burner number instead.

Genius!

I took Burner for a spin and hit up my herbologist mom.

Getting set up was a cinch.

I downloaded the app from the App Store, entered my phone number and got an SMS with a verification code.

Once I plugged in the code, accepted the Ts&Cs and waited a few seconds, I was in.

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Burner works off credits, which dictate how long your Burner number lasts.

Hence ‘burner’.

On the low end, there’s the Mini burner, which lasts 7 days, or 20 minutes talk time or 60 texts.

At the other end of the spectrum, there’s the Large or Long burner, which lasts 60 days, or 75 minutes talk time or 225 texts.

But you get a sample Burner right off the bat.

I’m not sure how much credits cost, but the next time I need to call my herbologist mom, I’ll let you know.

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That’s my Burner number.

Feel free to give me a call or send me a text.

It’s a burner, so don’t sleep. The number will be gone tomorrow!

Need to do dirt? Get your Burner (app) on!

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Filed under apps, iPhone

‘Bug fix’ is not an update. Develop your app voice.

bug fixes

As someone who deals regularly in apps, I’ve seen quite a few in my day.

I’ve dealt with my share of crappy apps.

That were buggy and jankalicious.

Jankalicious: the condition of being inferior or dilapidated.

Chock full of unnecessary features and functions.

Or just downright useless.

On the flip side, I’ve beheld loads of well designed apps.

That seamlessly blend form with function.

Buttons and navigation built with adult humans in mind.

And not wee-fingered halflings.

And don’t require a PhD or savant to figure out how to use them.

But both good and bad apps have something in common.

Every once in a while, they require a fix.

Or an update to improve speed or performance.

Or a tweak to make them more compatible with an updated OS.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the counter in the top right corner of the App Store icon on your iPhone.

app update iPhone

Alerting you to updates available for the apps you’re rocking.

If you’re like me, you ‘Update All’ without thinking about it.

The behavior is so rote by now, that most of us don’t read the ‘What’s New’ copy accompanying any of these releases.

We take it for granted that we need whatever the update is.

So we download it.

We’re not going to spend the precious few seconds required to read what the update is actually for.

Before my Jailbreak, I’d ‘update all’ without a moment’s hesitation.

I typically ignored the ‘What’s New’ text, which (should have) spelled out what was bundled in the update.

Usually, it was some generic ‘Bug fixes’ language that gave no further info about the nature and extent of the fix.

But since it was a fix…

Today, though, I broke with tradition and read the ‘What’s New’ section.

I wanted to see what tinkering was taking place under the hood.

There were three updates: HopStop (Transit Directions for iPhone), Square (Register) and Basecamp (Official App).

I was curious to see which of these brands used their update to provide comprehensive information about how their app was being improved or what exactly it was they had fixed.

And who was just faking the funk.

app updates iPhone 5

HopStop was, by far, the most informative.

Not only did they tell me exactly what was new, but also that I’d need to upgrade to iOS 6+ in order to take advantage of the new features.

HopStop app update

Basecamp was the next most informative.

Their ‘What’s New’ update informed me about support for Basecamp Classic (it’s about time!), and had a few quick blurbs about the specific bug fixes included in the version.

Basecamp Official App update

Square the least informative.

Their’s was the bland ‘various bug fixes.’

Nothing more. Nothing less.

Square, you make me sick.

Square Register update.

Most brands are like Square and completely miss the opportunity to truly inform their users about what’s going on.

Their’s is usually a cut-and-paste job of some developer’s uninsightful version-controlled update republished to their users.

It’s rubbish.

Now, when I see ‘Bug fixes’ as an update, I automatically think ‘lazy brand’.

Best practices dictates that when there’s an update to your app, you provide the salient details of that update to your users.

‘Bug fixes’ is simply too generic to be useful.

If a user was experiencing a bug with your app and got that update, there would be no way for them to determine whether your ‘Bug fix’ was the one they’d observed or something entirely different.

More importantly, it completely flubs the chance to connect with the user and turn them into informed brand evangelists.

So <brand who uses ‘Various bug fixes’ to describe updates to your app> know that you’re doing yourself a grave disservice by not providing more substantive updates.

Don’t your users deserve more?

Note: I’ve got to give credit to one of my pseudonymous colleagues, Mr. Kate Moss, who urged me to write this point to address something we routinely observe.

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Facebook Home? NOMHS (Not On My Home Screen)

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You’ve heard of NIMBY?

The acronym that stands for Not In My Back Yard?

It was coined by residents of towns and municipalities protesting attempts to place waste processing facilities and other similarly undesirable development close to them.

Well Facebook’s latest initiative, Home, intends to place a “takeover” app on your phone that would essentially make Facebook your default home screen.

The Facebook Home family of apps would replace the standard home screen of an Android user with an “immersive Facebook experience” that includes Facebook status updates from your friends, Facebook notifications and full screen photographs.

Facebook Home would essentially allow you to push all your Facebook-related content permanently to your phone’s home screen, giving you the ability to make Facebook your go-to app for all things social.

The centerpiece of the Facebook Home app is the ability to chat and message with your friends without having to navigate away from whatever you’re doing on your phone at the time.

The Chat Heads feature (who names this shit?) displays the face of the person attempting to message you, allowing you to immediately pull up and respond to the chat thread, without skipping a beat.

Tap the head, post your response, and you’re off.

Nifty right?

Wrong!

Facebook’s Home is a handsome Trojan Horse.

They have been talking Facebook Phone for a minute, getting everyone all hot and heavy, thinking Facebook was about to get into the handset game.

But they pulled a switcheroo and dropped Home instead.

Essentially giving Facebook the benefit of another massive installed user base, with none of the heavy lifting involved in creating a phone from scratch.

By piggybacking on the Android operating system, which is already Facebook friendly, Home gives Android users (aka suckas) the chance to spend every waking hour with Facebook.

Without having to open and close the app to do so…

Because its always on.

Will the wonders of time wasting technology never cease?

While folks debate whether Facebook will use their new app to push more advertising or not (yes they will)…

Or whether Facebook will use their app to collect data on users or not (yes they will)…

I take solace in the fact that this foolishness is Android only.

Apple is not so enamored with Facebook that they’d give up all that precious real estate to an app.

I won’t have to worry about the time (and battery) black hole drain it will invariably cause.

And I’m sorry, Facebook simply isn’t that important.

Facebook Home? Not on my home screen. Bitches!

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