What’s that, you ask?
I watched day 1 of the Google I/O 2013 keynote.
On the internet.
I suffered through almost four hours of it.
At first, I thought I was going to be sitting in on an Apple-style keynote.
With all types of interesting announcements and clever quips from engaging Ted-X style speakers.
But as the hours dragged on, I realized that wasn’t going to happen.
Instead I was assailed by one listless speaker after the next.
Where did these people come from, Zombieland?
Don’t get it twisted, I love me some Google products.
They could have used some adrenaline over there.
I’m just saying.
Pop a molly. Snort a line. Guzzle a Red Bull!
Do something to liven up!
How hard would it have been to not slouch?
Or not speak in a monotone?
Or tell a joke that was not completely devoid of timing – or humor?
Abysmal delivery aside, Google went deep into their bag of tricks today.
And made some announcements that had me like “wow!”
Here are a few of the more interesting parts of today’s snorefest.
VP9 is Google’s open video compression standard that provides high quality video compression at half the bit rate.
Google wants to expand VP9 in mobile web which means faster video load times, but lower data rates for streaming over cellular networks.
Pixel is a touchscreen Chromebook and the first laptop built by Google, which combines easy access to all of Google’s software in a high end (and expensive) machine.
The six thousand attendees of I/O 13 each got one.
Why wasn’t I invited again?
First my invite to Oprah’s Favorite Things show gets lost in the mail and now this.
Google Play for Education
Google Play for Education is Google’s answer to Apple’s iTunes U.
Through their partnership with hundreds of educational app developers, Play for Education provides educators with a way of providing educational apps to students en masse.
Another initiative to provide students with Chromebooks, makes the Google Play in Education announcement one of the most aggressive pushes to bridge the technological gap in schools in decades.
Auto Awesome is one of a suite of new photo-related enhancements from Google, which turns photographs in GIFs for you.
Other photo-related features can enhance images, create all smiley face photos from a collection where you weren’t able to get everyone to smile in one shot, and collages from groups of related photographs.
All automatically without you having to lift a finger.
I could go on and on about the keynote, but I don’t want to bore you.
I’ll let Google do that themselves.
If you’ve got nothing better to do, and want to watch all 3 hours and 51 minutes of it, click play.
But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Umm, Google, you guys need to get a ouija board, contact Steve Jobs and get some tips on tricking out a keynote.
Cause that shit was booooorrrinnngggg!