I will turn tricks for an iPad Air.


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A few days ago Apple hosted one of its infamous announcements.

Once again, I received no invitation to the event announcing their upcoming releases.

So I made it a point not to let them benefit from my considerable digital footprint by mentioning anything about Apple on Wednesday.

But I did check in (online).

Of all the things Apple announced, one item caught my attention: the iPad Air.

First, there was the iPad, which revolutionized tablets. Sure it had its flaws, but it was dope nonetheless.

Then came the iPad 2, a massive leap forward from its heavier, clunkier, camera-deprived predecessor.

On the heels of the iPad 2, came the iPad 3 and the oddly named “New iPad” (a/k/a the iPad 4), which have both been subsequently discontinued.

As well as the iPad Mini.

On Wednesday, Apple unveiled the newest member of the iPad family and all I can say is: I want it.

It’s terrible, I know.

I, of all people, should be able to resist the lure of a new Apple product.

But you know what? I can’t.

And you know why? Because the new iPad is awesome!

Why is it awesome?

Well I’ll tell you.

For one, its lighter. Now I’m not a bitch and I work out rather frequently. So it’s not like carrying around my iPad is physically taxing.

But lighter is lighter, and as strong as I may be, I’m always appreciative when device manufacturers lighten my load.

Next, it’s faster. For the recreational user who is all Scrabble-with-Friends and Angry Birds, Apple’s 64 bit A7 chip probably doesn’t mean much. But to anyone into motion and graphics, the new architecture means faster CPU and graphics performance.

I’m no heavy filmmaker or photographer, so the processing power of the latest iPad is somewhat lost on me. But I still appreciate knowing that all that power resides under the hood if I need it.

Now if you’re on the go all the time, like I am, then this feature alone is worth the upgrade: two antennas.

There is nothing worse that weak wifi or cellular signal strength. The iPad Air should be able to keep you connected if you’re near anything broadcasting a wireless or cellular signal.

The improved 5-megapixel iSight camera will let you shoot in 1080p and there are also enhancements to the image quality of the FaceTime camera as well.

I’m particularly interested in the smaller overall profile of the iPad Air. I’m curious to see how the smaller bezel, width and weight translate.

The one thing that really excites me about the iPad Air is all the free stuff that comes preloaded with the device. iPhoto, iMovie, GarageBand, Pages, Numbers, and Keynote are free with iPad Air.

If I recall correctly, Apple is giving their iWork and iLife suite of productivity products away free for everyone with a MacBook and iPad device.

All in all, the iPad Air has me all hot and heavy.

To be clear: I am a whore for Apple products. Even though I may not cop every single thing that comes out of Cupertino, I lust hungrily for them nonetheless.

I may play hard-to-get, but we all know I’m Apple’s hoe.

Notwithstanding my hoe-ish inclination, my excitement for the iPad Air is genuine and unrelated to my natural promiscuous nature.

But I will turn a trick or two to get one…

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