#10SelfieCommandments aka Check Thy Self(ie)


A few weeks ago, I did a post entitled The Art of the Selfie.

The response was overwhelming.

And no, it wasn’t my writing.

Not that my writing isn’t awesome.

But it was most likely due to the fact that the post was selected for “Freshly Pressed” WordPress’ hand-picked selection of eight blogs to be featured on the “Freshly Pressed” page of the WordPress site.

But because it was so honored, that one post was read over 2500 times.

And I got the benefit of hundreds of responses, each with their own perspective about what made a good selfie.

Now my post merely skimmed the surface of the whole selfie movement.

Oh, it’s a movement.

Intrigued by the feedback, I decided to undertake an informal survey of the world of selfies.

And do you know what I found?

Hundreds upon hundreds of selfie fails.

Selfies that failed so horribly, that were so wrong, it shocked me.

Much like the Israelites wandering the desert, worshiping graven images, there are those among us, wandering the selfie waste-land, posting graven images (of themselves).

I realized that these stray selfie sheep needed guidance – shepherding.

So I decided to create a list of do’s and don’ts, to help the selfie-challenged everywhere.

Without further ado, here are the 10 Selfie Commandments.

1. Thou shall selfie thy self. If you don’t take it, it’s not a selfie. Selfies are a first person perspective. It’s a view of you by you. Posting an image of yourself, taken by a third party, no matter how flattering, is not a selfie. #dontfakethyselfie

2. Thou shall never selfie in the buff. Unless you’re a porn actor or actress, an exhibitionist or daft, you probably don’t want the world to see your unmentionables. Keep your clothes on when you selfie. And if being in the buff is necessary to capture some element you intended to share, make sure you photoshop out, crop or otherwise obscure the naughty bits. #dontexposethyselfie

You never - NEVER- want to be this guy.

You never – NEVER- want to be this guy.

3. Thou shall never selfie on the commode. Selfie-fails abound with subjects snapping themselves on the shitter. No one wants to see your dookie or to know that you’re dookieing because you didn’t have the patience to selfie after the poop. #dontpooponthyselfie

That's so cute! She's making a number two!

That’s so cute! She’s making a number two!

4. Thou shall be aware of thine surroundings. Selfies are nothing but a snapshot of context. If you post a selfie, tagged #ballinouttacontrol, and your WIC check or government cheese is clearly in the background, you are #playingthyselfie. #dontplaythyselfie

5. Thou shall preview thy selfie before thou posteth. There is nothing worse than taking a photo, tagging it and posting it only to realize later (after you’ve been memorialized as a selfie fail) that you made a grevious error. #previewthyselfie

Someone forgot to flush!

Someone forgot to flush!

6. Thou shall be in thy selfie. This one is fairly self-explanatory. It’s not a selfie if you’re not in it. It’s a photograph. #beinthyselfie

7. Thou shall respect thy selfie. If your parents, relatives or any elder, who would be ashamed that their child is posting inappropriate images of themselves, is online, don’t post. Block or unfriend them first, and then post your selfie. #shamenotthyselfie

8. Thou shall not be a copycat or covet thy neighbor’s selfie. Imitation may be the best form of flattery, but in selfiedom, unless it’s a meme or a theme (a la #plankselfie), it smacks of desperation. #beoriginaltothyselfie

9. Thou shall not hurt others’ feelings with thy selfie. As the saying goes, if you’ve got it flaunt it. But if you don’t (have it) don’t (flaunt it). Have mercy on the rest of us and keep your dimpled, cottage-cheese saggy ass to yourself. #dontkidthyselfie

Really?

Really?

10. Thou shall not photoshop thy selfie. Selfies are supposed to be spontaneous and candid shots of yourself, taken and shared in the moment. If you’re downloading the image off your phone, touching it up and then sharing it, you’re a fraud and a shame to selfie-takers everywhere. #dontphotoshopthyselfie

I know that I said that there were 10 commandments, but I couldn’t help giving one more…

11. Thou shall claim thy selfie. There’s nothing worse than claiming that a picture that’s been taken of you, was taken by another person. Say, oh I don’t know, by your (non-existent) girlfriend. Pathetic! If you take a selfie, claim it as a selfie.  #dontbealoserselfie #dontfakethyselfie

funny-selfie-sleep-girlfriend-real-imaginary


Did he really not see himself in the mirror before he posted this? Maybe his eyes were closed then too.

So this post was really for shits and giggles, but if there are actually selfie commandments out there, or if you’ve got your own selfie do’s and don’ts, please share!

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19 Comments

Filed under advocacy

19 responses to “#10SelfieCommandments aka Check Thy Self(ie)

  1. Jc

    This post definitely made me laugh! Lol. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🙂

    Like

  2. #selfiecommandment12: thou shalt not like your own selfie….can’t stress how important this is….people can see of you liked your selfie, it just makes thou look pathetic and needy

    Like

  3. Donna Cordova

    Haha! I giggled silently at my desk. I am really impressed about how you write Stephen! You rock! Nice post! Thanks for #thyselfiecommandments. Certainly true! Thank you for sharing!

    Like

  4. Definitely sharing! This is hilarious! I know so many people who break these commandments on the daily! Especially not being aware of their surroundings. Like how you gonna take a picture of you looking all nice in the mirror, but your room looks a MESS! I hate that lol!

    Like

  5. I’m proud to guide people to your blog bout d selfies,as I find ur insights very lucrative,hope you chanalise your movement in bigger and more user friendly ways,like an app on the apple store!!! I’m sure my good intentions are already your existing thought process:)tc

    Like

  6. Thanks to your post The art of the selfie,I got to things unknown:)GOD bless

    Like

  7. Reblogged this on CabbageTalk and commented:
    This guy makes me chuckle

    Like

  8. You my friend are one funny writer.
    The #Selfie commandment.. what a ledge!
    As you writings of current ‘movements’ tickle me some what, what are you view on #Neknominate – I read this morning two lads died after joining the craze, I’m pretty sure selfie takers have not.died yet so probably a safer movement to follow..

    Like

  9. This was an awesome way to start off my morning. Thank you for the laughs!

    Like

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