Tag Archives: Candy Crush

Posting on the John. Your status update can wait you nasty bastard.

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Have you ever been in a public bathroom stall and overheard your “neighbor” tapping on their mobile phone, holding a conversation or playing a game?

You may have even been the offending neighbor yourself.

Whatever the case, I find the use of mobile devices on the latrine…gross.

I mean really?

Is using the toilet so devoid of excitement that you can’t do it without some form of entertainment?

Are you just so concerned that you might miss some oh-so-important Facebook status update, that you can’t possibly put your phone away?

Is getting a new high score on Candy Crush just that critical that it can’t wait until you’re not on the bowl?

Okay, okay. Sure you can play a game of Solitaire, or read email or surf the net while you’re voiding your bowels – what else are you going to do?

But what happens next?

Huh? Nasty boy?

I’ll tell you.

You put the phone down. Wipe you ass or vajajay. Pick your phone up. Leave the toilet.

Maybe you wash your hands.

More often than not, you don’t (because you’re a nasty muthafucker).

But even if you do, trace amounts of your fecal matter, and a lil bit of pee, is leaving the bathroom with you – on your phone.

And you’re probably handling your shitty phone to coworkers and friends, having them scroll through baby pictures, watch your ice bucket challenge or type in their phone number into your contacts.

And now, they’re contaminated.

Thanks, you cretin.

It’s not bad enough that Ebola is ravaging Africa, you’ve got to add your filthy two-cents, spreading cholera.

And why? All because you text while you shit.

So do us all a favor, when you go to the commode, leave your phone at your desk.

And if you must take it with you, keep some disinfecting wipes handy.

Or better yet, just stop being nasty.

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