Tag Archives: Chris Brown

When 8 and 5 equals Zero. Chad Ochocinco (is a jackass)

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I’ve just gotta put my two cents in on Chad Ochocinco.

He was recently arrested for head butting his wife during a dispute outside of their home.

As a result of his foolishness, he’s been released by the Dolphins and is likely looking at jail time.

Now, we all know that a man should never put his hands on a woman.

That presumes that you also don’t head butt, karate chop, drop kick or otherwise cause any other form of bodily injury to your woman (or any other woman for that matter).

People are asking, “what was he thinking?”

But clearly, he wasn’t.

If he were, he would have paused (at least momentarily) and reflected on the impact of injuring his wife: going to jail, losing his job, cancellation of his reality show and the absolute PR nightmare that accompanies domestic abuse.

Unfortunately (for him – and those who rely up in his income) he didn’t (think) and now he’s watching his life being flushed down the toilet.

But we are talking about Chad Ochocinco.

The guy who changed is name to the Spanish pronunciation of “8-5” (the number on his Bengal’s jersey).

Who does that?

Who went on Dr. Phil to defend his refusal to voluntarily pay child support to any of his numerous baby mommas.

Because $600,000 a month is too little to live on AND have to share with your children.

 

(That was Terrell Owens – not Chad. But who can tell these trifling football players apart?)

And famously stated that he prefers light-skinned and white woman to Black women.

Thanks for validating our dark-skinned sisters!

Mr. Johnson (his real last name) is not known for his intelligence.

I’m ashamed and embarrassed (for him) and I feel really bad for his (soon-to-be-ex) wife and kids.

Some example this fool is setting.

I wonder how many Ochocinco-files are going to come out in support of him, as throngs did in the wake of Chris Brown’s assault of Rihanna.

Is Twitter going to be a flutter with girls asking to be head butt by Ochocinco anytime?

Will Jay Z and P Diddy continue to support their friend because we haven’t heard both sides of the story?

Hopefully, his wife will press charges and send this fool away.

But I doubt it.

If Chris Brown’s light prosecution and slap on the wrist sentencing (community service), or Floyd Mayweather’s three month sentence for assaulting his girl are any indication, it’s unlikely that 8-5 is going to do much time.

Or learn anything, for that matter.

I’m just sad that another Black man, in the public eye, is acting like a jackass.

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Barbara Walters’ list was bogus. The REAL most fascinating people of 2009

These folks were worthy of your voyeuristic attention this year.

Last night, I watched Barbara Walters’ Most Fascinating People of 2009 on ABC, and let’s just say I was underwhelmed.

After wading through *YAWN* Lady Gaga (who looked like Barbara Walters her damn self), Jenny Sanford (played out by her philandering husband), Glenn Beck (racist wasp), Tyler Perry (he’s RICH b*tch!), Adam Lambert (“I’m gay.” Duh!), Brett Favre (bustin’ out at 40), Kate Gosselin (Jon is a punk), the Jackson children (and why exactly are they fascinating?) Sarah Palin (Moronic, yes. Fascinating, no.) and…wait for it, wait for it…Michelle Obama, I was like that was BORING!

Michelle Obama is Barbara’s most fascinating person for 2009. Why? Oh, because of her great arms. What kind of absolute nonsense is this? How can a woman’s arms make her the most fascinating person in the entire United States? Does Michelle Obama have the best arms of any first lady? She might, but who cares?

I was so disappointed that I decided to create my own list, as follows:

10.  Jay Z. 2009 was a big year for Jay. It marked the first time he had a Billboard number 1 single, Empire State of Mind with Alicia Keys. He celebrated one year of marriage to Beyonce Knowles, and turned 40. Big things for the biggest name in hip hop.

9.  Bernie Madoff. Bernie made-off with an alleged $65M of other folks’ money. Even after he was caught and under house arrest, he tried to smuggle jewels and cash to his family and friends. I think they’re considering changing the name of the hustle from Ponzi to Madoff scheme, because Bernie took duping to new heights.

8. Dr. Conrad Murray. After the heat that Dr. Jan Adams (the doctor that killed Kanye’s mom) received, I thought that Black male doctors would have stepped up their game when it came to dealing with their celebrity clients. I was wrong.

7. Black women who support Chris Brown. What a commentary on the self esteem of women of color, when they rally to the defense of a punk ass b*tch who puts his hands on women. It’s one thing for his immature friends (Omarion, Ne-Yo, Puffy) to stand in his defense, because they’re boys. But the sheer hostility that other Black women demonstrated towards Rihanna, was SCARY.

6. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. He had amnesia and forgot he was a black man. How could I NOT put him on the list?

5. Jaycee Lee Dugard. Props to this girl for living through kidnapping and 18 years of unadulterated torture at the hands of a pedophile (he needs to be castrated). Her story gave hope to thousands of parents of missing and abducted children.

4. Lil Wayne. Who else can be perpetually high, have two baby momma’s (Lauren London and Nivea Hamilton) give birth at the same time, be featured on three top 20 Billboard singles and have a documentary (The Carter) all at the same time?

3. Charla Nash. She’s on the list for courageously surviving being attacked by Travis the Chimp because she didn’t want her daughter to be alone in the world AND for showing us how she looked on Oprah.

2. Maria Belen Chapur (aka Governor Sanford’s mistress). Her milkshake was so good that this fool went AWOL for it. Bump governing South Carolina. Bump the wife, the kids. Gimme some of that Argentinean booty!

1. Tiger Woods. Until he was caught, he displayed panache worthy of the most fascinating person designation (what’s the count at now, 15?). Who knew that the squeaky clean, world’s number one golfer could be so trifling AND sloppy?!

Full Disclosure: I picked my wife’s brain for some of the individuals featured on the list. She vehemently disagrees with Jay Z (she thinks he should be number 15 or 16).

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You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me! Pregnant, R Kelly? Really?!!

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Keep this man away from your daughters.

Today, a small part of me died. I heard this song on the radio, that at first, I thought was a joke, but ended up being real.

I was casually listening to the radio and I heard someone sing the lyrics,

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant,
Lay your body down and get you pregnant,
Knock you up, pregnant, Knock you up

My first reaction was unadulterated laughter. I just KNEW it was one of those ridiculous parody songs from Cipha Sounds and Rosenberg, but as I listened further, I wasn’t so certain.

Is that R Kelly? I thought to myself.

This sounds like R Kelly. But I know this fool wouldn’t make such an inane song.

And I would have left it at that…

That is until I heard a brotha that sound strangely like Tyrese singing on the record too!

Tyrese, what are you doing?

Much to my chagrin, I was compelled to keep listening (you know I couldn’t turn the station until I learned if it was a real song),

Can you believe I’m in the club with a girl who has a man,
And take her to the hotel for just a one night stand,
See I’m a playa so I ain’t tryna take her on no dates,
Too much like my patrone man I’m just tryna take it straight.

When the song was finally over (Praise God!), the DJ announced, “That was Pregnant ya’ll. Ya boy R Kells featuring Tyrese. Kells doing it big once again! Call me or text me and tell me what you think about the record!”

And there it was, confirmation of all that I was dreading, but hoping somewhere deep down, where dreams go to die, that the song wasn’t real.

We all know that R Kelly is a sex crazed pervert. Even before the sex tape, we knew he had strange fetishes. But Tyrese? Why would you do a song with Kells, with his irreparably battered and bruised pedophile-ish reputation? A song about getting girls pregnant no less!

Call me crazy, but Pregnant is unquestionably the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard on the radio (and there is some pure unadulterated b*llsh*t on the radio parading as music, so that’s no small statement).

What’s next? A song with Chris Brown called Smack a Ho?

Pregnant, R Kelly? Really?!!

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