Tag Archives: Lil Wayne

Will the real B.I.G. please stand up? Big Sean, sit down.

Show some respect Lil’ Sean!

I can’t stand posers.

You know, folks who claim that they’re the original, but are really some half-baked facsimile.

And there are loads of posers in the rap game.

You can tick off the numerous rappers, whose names are attributable to real cats.

50 Cent.

Noreaga.

Jim Jones.

Rick Ross.

Typically, rappers use the name of some ill gangster as their rap nom de plume or alias, thereby channeling the street cred of their alter ego.

It’s deeper than this, but you get the picture.

There’s one, though, that really gets my goat.

‘Big’ Sean.

I heard this song recently, which starts off “B-I-G”, which everyone knows was the signature call-out of the Notorious B.I.G. aka Biggie Small aka Biggie aka B.I.G.

Now this 24 year old rapper from San Francisco is running around, referring to himself as B.I.G.

And taking issue whenever he’s called out on it.

Umm…dude, there was already a B.I.G., what are you tripping about?

You were like six when Ready To Die dropped.

You could barely scrawl your name when it was certified platinum.

And now, all of a sudden because people on your ‘block’ know you as B.I.G., we’re supposed to give you a pass?

I don’t think so.

It would be one thing if he acknowledged his predecessor, and gave Biggie his just due.

But this snotty nosed kid acts as if anyone who questions his use of the (much more famous, talented and prolific) rapper’s name is some sort of insult.

Listen here, young man.

You just got into the game.

You barely have chest hair on that bird chest.

Can we call you Big ‘Bird-Chest’ Sean?

And at 5′ 7″, calling yourself ‘big’ is somewhat of a stretch, wouldn’t you say?

Even if the rumors of your large johnson are true, naming yourself ‘big’ because of it smacks of insecurity.

Maybe you’re just overcompensating because of your Lilliputian size.

Or perhaps you simply wanted to differentiate yourself from other vertically challenged rappers, who embrace their short stature by using the ‘lil’ moniker in their names: Lil Wayne, Lil Bow Wow, Lil’ Cease, Lil Flip, etc.

If that’s the case, it’s all good.

But there are loads of rappers who call themselves Big <fill in rapper’s name here>, that don’t refer to themselves as “B.I.G.”: Big Boi, Big Pun, Big L, Big Daddy Kane, Big Mike, etc.

These cats (who all precede you) haven’t felt like they could use B.I.G. legitimately.

I would think that you’d want to strike out and create your own identity, rather than ride on someone else’s popularity.

For all that, why don’t you just yell out ‘Yeaaahhhhhhh boooyyyeeeee!” like Flavor Flave?

But that’s just me.

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I’ll admit it…I’m ghetto (fabulous)!

So I’m in my car, listening to the radio heading to an appointment, when a Lil’ Wayne song comes on.

I turn it up, as I oft do when I hear anything I like from Weezy.

‘Turn it up’ is a genteel way of saying I crank it.

Before you know it, I’m driving on 280 with Rick Ross and Lil Wayne screaming out of the windows of my white Benz.

Sunglasses on.

Dreads whipping around my face.

…And AK47 is my f*cking address….

To be honest, reggae is my favorite genre, but I’ve always had an affinity for hip hop.

But it’s only recently (during that ride, in fact) that I realized how enamored with it I actually was.

You see, I failed to mention that on the aforementioned trip, I had one of the kids in the car.

Typically, my radio-cranking of ghetto anthems only takes place when I ride alone.

I’m not really trying to have my kids listening to some of the ignorant misogynistic lyrics rappers push these days.

But when I’m alone, I can rock out unfiltered.

So, when I finally come to, and remember that I’m not alone, I turn the volume down and start flipping through the stations to find something a little more…appropriate.

But then my son, Fuji, hits me with ‘Daddy no!’

Mind you, Fuji is only two, but he was clearly not checking for daddy changing the station from Weezy.

So I turned it back…and turned it up.

I’m not a star, somebody lied…

I got a chopper in the car.

I got a chopper in the car.

I got a chopper in the car.

Even though he’s only got a few words in his vocabulary, I’m pretty sure I heard Fuji say, he too, had a chopper in the car.

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Verdict: 2010 was a good year for StephenChukumba.com

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how my blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

About 3 million people visit the Taj Mahal every year. This blog was viewed about 26,000 times in 2010. If it were the Taj Mahal, it would take about 3 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 43 new posts, growing the total posts I’ve written to 125.

The busiest day of the year was June 24th with 724 views. The most popular post that day was Going to jail messes with your money..

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, networkedblogs.com, mail.yahoo.com, en.wordpress.com, and baristanet.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for tattoos, lil wayne, futsal, mike tyson tattoo, and scalpel. I don’t know why folks were searching for scalpels or why they were referred to my site – but I’ll take it!

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Going to jail messes with your money. February 2010
People must be trying to avoid jail.

2

Got tattoos? Will hug. November 2009
Wookin’ po nub!

3

Attack! Attack! Attack! Lessons of a Futsal Coach. January 2010
I think the Wolrd Cup must have given me a bump.

4

Stephen Chukumba says: “I know how Homer Simpson feels” September 2009

5

Chris Anokute: The Making of A Music Mogul June 2010
With Katy Perry up for six Grammy Nominations, people ought to be peepin’ this cat!

 

All-in-all 2010 was a good year.

In 2011, you can expect more good things.

For one, you can reach me at http://www.stephenchukumba.com (and drop the .wordpress piece).

I’m also planning on blogging at least once a week, focusing on all that you deem important (tats, jail, scalpels – you know – the usual).

So please continue to read, and share!

Thanks!

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Going to jail messes with your money.

I could just shoot myself for messing with my money! Oh wait, I'm rich bitch!

With Lil Wayne putting off Rikers for a month to get his dents straight (did I hear correctly that he had 8 root canals done at once?), I thought I’d reflect on the state of the rap game.

I mean, seriously, Lil Wayne is just the latest in a string of rappers, who at the top of their game, get sent up to the big house to do a bid.

Without much thought, any one of us can reel off at least 3 or 4 artists who have been hit with jail time for one infraction or another.

But I decided to do an informal survey and DAMN! there are quite a few artists currently doing bids (or who’ve done bids in the recent past), to wit:

  • T.I. got a year and a day for a federal gun rap.
  • Gucci Mane got 12 months for violating the terms of his 2005 assault conviction for not completing community service, failing drug tests and not getting permission to travel.
  • Lil Wayne is set to do 8 months for a gun possession conviction.
  • Flesh-N-Bone received 12 years for a gun possession charge.
  • C-Murder got a life sentence for a second degree murder conviction. Life imitating art.
  • Prodigy of Mobb Deep got 3 1/2 years for criminal possession of a loaded gun.
  • Da Brat is doing 3 years for assaulting a waitress with a rum bottle. That was bratty.
  • DMX has been in and out of jail. Most recently, he did 90 days for felony misdemeanor charges.
  • Suge Knight has been in and out of jail over the past 15 years, including a recent incarceration for possession of marijuana.
  • Lil Kim infamously received a year for perjury.
  • Mystical was sentenced to 6 years for aggravated sexual assault.
  • Remy Ma got 8 years for shooting her girl in the gut.
  • Tru Life got a life sentence for murder. True Life. Get it?
  • Shyne got 10 years for a gun rap.
  • Beanie Sigel got a year and a day in 2004 for federal weapons charges, and a few months in 2008 for a parole violation.
  • Pimp C received 5 years for aggravated assault with a gun.
  • Royce Da 5’9″ got a year sentence in 2007 for a DUI conviction.
  • Foxy Brown did 8 months in 2007/08 for violating her probation following an assault conviction.
  • Turk from the Hot Boys got 12 years for his involvement in a shoot-em-up of a rival faction in Memphis.
  • Black Rob got 7 years for armed robbery. Black robbed.
  • The Game did 2 months for gun possession.
  • Keith Murray got 39 months for assault.
  • Styles P of the Lox received 8 months for a stabbing conviction.
  • Cassidy received an 11 1/2 year sentence for murder.
  • Tony Yayo of G-Unit fame received 1 year for a weapons charge.
  • 2 Pac and ODB both did multiple stints in jail before their respective untimely demise.

I could go on an on with more obscure artists, but you get the picture.

Lil Wayne is not going to see any of the Live Nation money in jail, and the Cash Money/Young Money clique won’t have their golden boy headlining shows for the next 12 months (or 9 months with good behavior).

Gucci Mane can’t promote the album he just dropped from behind bars, and his sales will invariably suffer as a result.

Lil Kim did her bid and couldn’t lie her way into album sales.

Beanie’s all sour grapes and no sales.

Don’t these cats know that going to jail messes with your money?

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Barbara Walters’ list was bogus. The REAL most fascinating people of 2009

These folks were worthy of your voyeuristic attention this year.

Last night, I watched Barbara Walters’ Most Fascinating People of 2009 on ABC, and let’s just say I was underwhelmed.

After wading through *YAWN* Lady Gaga (who looked like Barbara Walters her damn self), Jenny Sanford (played out by her philandering husband), Glenn Beck (racist wasp), Tyler Perry (he’s RICH b*tch!), Adam Lambert (“I’m gay.” Duh!), Brett Favre (bustin’ out at 40), Kate Gosselin (Jon is a punk), the Jackson children (and why exactly are they fascinating?) Sarah Palin (Moronic, yes. Fascinating, no.) and…wait for it, wait for it…Michelle Obama, I was like that was BORING!

Michelle Obama is Barbara’s most fascinating person for 2009. Why? Oh, because of her great arms. What kind of absolute nonsense is this? How can a woman’s arms make her the most fascinating person in the entire United States? Does Michelle Obama have the best arms of any first lady? She might, but who cares?

I was so disappointed that I decided to create my own list, as follows:

10.  Jay Z. 2009 was a big year for Jay. It marked the first time he had a Billboard number 1 single, Empire State of Mind with Alicia Keys. He celebrated one year of marriage to Beyonce Knowles, and turned 40. Big things for the biggest name in hip hop.

9.  Bernie Madoff. Bernie made-off with an alleged $65M of other folks’ money. Even after he was caught and under house arrest, he tried to smuggle jewels and cash to his family and friends. I think they’re considering changing the name of the hustle from Ponzi to Madoff scheme, because Bernie took duping to new heights.

8. Dr. Conrad Murray. After the heat that Dr. Jan Adams (the doctor that killed Kanye’s mom) received, I thought that Black male doctors would have stepped up their game when it came to dealing with their celebrity clients. I was wrong.

7. Black women who support Chris Brown. What a commentary on the self esteem of women of color, when they rally to the defense of a punk ass b*tch who puts his hands on women. It’s one thing for his immature friends (Omarion, Ne-Yo, Puffy) to stand in his defense, because they’re boys. But the sheer hostility that other Black women demonstrated towards Rihanna, was SCARY.

6. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. He had amnesia and forgot he was a black man. How could I NOT put him on the list?

5. Jaycee Lee Dugard. Props to this girl for living through kidnapping and 18 years of unadulterated torture at the hands of a pedophile (he needs to be castrated). Her story gave hope to thousands of parents of missing and abducted children.

4. Lil Wayne. Who else can be perpetually high, have two baby momma’s (Lauren London and Nivea Hamilton) give birth at the same time, be featured on three top 20 Billboard singles and have a documentary (The Carter) all at the same time?

3. Charla Nash. She’s on the list for courageously surviving being attacked by Travis the Chimp because she didn’t want her daughter to be alone in the world AND for showing us how she looked on Oprah.

2. Maria Belen Chapur (aka Governor Sanford’s mistress). Her milkshake was so good that this fool went AWOL for it. Bump governing South Carolina. Bump the wife, the kids. Gimme some of that Argentinean booty!

1. Tiger Woods. Until he was caught, he displayed panache worthy of the most fascinating person designation (what’s the count at now, 15?). Who knew that the squeaky clean, world’s number one golfer could be so trifling AND sloppy?!

Full Disclosure: I picked my wife’s brain for some of the individuals featured on the list. She vehemently disagrees with Jay Z (she thinks he should be number 15 or 16).

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Eye candy. Lyricist. Flash-in-the-pan. Who is Nicki Minaj?

I don't recall Wonder Woman being black or quite that buxom.

I’ve been listening to the just-shy-of-gratingly-annoying voice of Nicki Minaj over countless records recently, and I struggle to accept how popular she’s become.

For those of you unfamiliar with Nicki Minaj (and I don’t blame you), feel free to check her out on Wikipedia.

If you can’t be so bothered, and are looking for an abridged version, Nicki’s on the Break Up Remix, with Mario featuring Gucci Mane. She’s also on Gucci’s Sex in Crazy Places, featuring Trina and Bobby Valentino; Shakin’ It for Daddy, with Robin Thicke; and Miss Independent Remix, with Ne-Yo.

She’s also been featured on songs with everyone from Lil’ Wayne, to Drake, Birdman, Lloyd, Beyonce, Yung Joc and Bow Wow.

Since she dropped in 2007, she’s released three mixtapes: Playtime Is Over, Sucka Free and Beam Me Up Scotty. Her current single, I Get Crazy, featuring Lil’ Wayne is all over hip hop radio, and she’s got a growing fan base. She’s got over 265,000 MySpace friends, 361,000 followers on Twitter, and 296,000+ Facebook fans.

Young Money Entertainment and Nicki’s management clearly have a handle on the effective use of social media tools. They’ve created a viral following for Nicki, leveraging tools, such as MySpace and YouTube, to seed the cloud with Nicki’s music and videos. There are over 14,000 subscribers to her YouTube channel, and over 425,000 profile views.

In a word, Nicki Minaj is POPULAR.

For critical hip hop aficionados, Nicki may remind you of Lil Kim, Trina or even Remy Ma, but with the absolute lack of female rappers in the game today, she’s got no competition.

So while her voice may be annoying (it really is), she’s got the looks, the backing and (passable) skills to pay the bills.

And if you didn’t know, now you know.

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Got tattoos? Will hug.

I got my first tattoo when I was 20. The tattoo was a Native American image of a medicine man, which I got on my right shoulder from Big Brad, a 6’5″ tattoo artist (who looked every bit the part of a Hell’s Angel) at his tattoo parlor in South River, New Jersey.

I tolerated the mild sensation of pain, knowing that on the other side waited my first tattoo. Afterwards, as it healed, I marveled at how it looked, and knew that I would get another.

My second tattoo was a hand-drawn design (my representation of a phoenix) which I had Brad put around my belly button. The pain was markedly different from that of my arm, but tolerable, and I focused, once again, not on the pain I was experiencing, but on the knowledge that when Brad was done, I would have, yet another tattoo.

My third tattoo was a griffin lion, on my left shoulder blade. Before I knew it (and with considerably less pain than either of my first two) I was done, and clearly addicted to tattoos.

Since leaving New Brunswick, and college, I have gotten 14 more tats, including the names of my wife and children on my arms, a tribal dragon on my left thigh, a tribal double dragon across my lower back and my sides/ribs, a band on my right forearm, three tribal freehands on my right and left biceps, and left forearm (one which I got in Bali on our honeymoon), a full mosaic on my back depicting a prophet receiving the word of God and a trio of angels, and a Japanese tiger on my left pectoral.

Ladies, please control your hormones.

Some of my tattoos were completed in one sitting, while others took several sessions lasting up to four hours each. All told, I’ve spent no less than 48 hours under the gun. I’ve become quite intimate with my tattoo artist, Flash, as a result of all these tats. No homo.

A few of my tattoos are abundantly personal, others whimsical, and at least one, totally impulsive. But I love them all, and will probably get a few more before I’m done.

Why all this talk of tattoos? Let’s just say I’ve got tattoos on the brain.

I spent Thanksgiving evening at the Princeton Marriott Hotel and Conference Center at Forrestal with the family and we went swimming in the heated pool. While we were there, there were these two little boys, who just stared at me the whole time.

I thought they simply lacked home training, until my wife pointed out that I’m covered in tattoos, and the kids had probably never seen a dreadlock with tats before in their life.

Last night, I responded to my friend’s indirect Facebook query about tattoos. The takeaway being that anyone covered in tattoos has something wrong with them.

In all fairness to my friend, she used Lil Wayne and Iron Mike as examples of excessive tattooing, but I took issue nonetheless. Anyone who covers themselves with tattoos has issues? I think not!

Sure, SOME people who cover themselves in tattoos may suffer mental deficit, of which tattoos are the outward manifestation of their inner demons. But that does not mean that all people who sport lots of tats are similarly compromised.

I, for one (well…I may not be the best example of sanity, but let’s assume I am sane) don’t believe that my tattoos are evidence of mental imbalance. I LIKE tattoos. A LOT. So I have a lot of tats. It’s really that simple.

Members of the Ink Nation are part of a subculture, that prim and proper people cannot and will never have the capacity to understand.

I think that tats, like any other form of body modification, is simply a reflection of the person. To make the leap that anyone who enjoys anything (that is not inherently harmful to themselves or other people) is crazy, is a bit…crazy!

If you’re a strict constructionist, and take every word of the Bible literally, then people who get tattoos are irredeemable sinners, destined for hell.

But for everyone else, folks with lots of tats are just that, folks with lots of tats. They are no different from you and I, they just don’t mind displaying their uniqueness for the world to see.

So the next time you see someone covered in tattoos, don’t shrink away or stare dumbfound. Walk over to them and give them a hug!

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