Have you heard?
I’m in love!
No. Not with my wife.
I mean, I’m in love with my wife.
Don’t get me wrong.
She’s a sweet chick that doesn’t get on my nerves too much.
Just kiddin honey. You don’t get on my nerves at all.
The point is, I’m in love but its not the wife.
No. Not the kids.
Love the kids (by default, not design).
But I’m not talking offspring here.
My job? Gimme a break!
Check in with me when I’m clocking seven figures.
For now, negatory.
Alright, last guess.
I do love sex.
But it’s an act, not a thing.
You suck at this.
Remind me never to pick you as a game show partner.
It’s my iPad 2!
I am head over heels in love with it.
I recently got it from wifey for my birthday.
I was, in a word, verklempt.
Why all the emotion?
After all, this is my second iPad.
I had the original for three years.
Mind you, I was pissed when Apple dropped the 2 within months of my copping the 1.
But I wasn’t going for the okey-doke and buying into Apple’s manipulative bait-and-switch (and rape your pockets).
So for three years, I made do with my camera-less, FaceTime deficient, slower iPad.
Don’t get me wrong, we had our run.
But when the 4 was released, followed by the Mini, and talks began about a 5 and a retina display Mini, I realized enough was enough.
I had to step up my game.
Then came the dilemma.
Do I cop the 2, 3, 4 or Mini?
The Mini was out of the question.
I tooled around with it in the office, and it was so not a tablet.
I mean it is a tablet, but its not a tablet.
Try to keep up with me, please?
Anywho, the debate really centered around the 2, 3 and 4.
Do I just go for it and drop coin for the latest and greatest, the 4 with its retina display, 4G LTE and all the bells and whistles?
Or do I settle for something less bells and whistley from an earlier generation?
The decision was easy.
Same (general) features and functionality of the (now defunct) 3 (and 4), less price.
Sure it’s maxed out at 16GB.
And there’s no Siri.
Lower resolution photos and video recording.
But for all intents and purposes, its the same thing.
Truth be told, my love affair with the 2 started the day I beheld it in the wild for the first time.
My man’s girl had one in Miami, during Art Basel.
And before I knew what was happening, I was one of those dorks shooting video with a big ole tablet in my outstretched arms – Frankenstein’s monster-like.
Get it right. Frankenstein was the man, not the monster.
The foolishness of my appearance did little to dampen the unbridled affection I felt – and presently feel – for it.
Even today, well after the novelty has worn off, as I cradle my very own 2 lovingly in my mitts, affection wells in my chest.
Why the love affair, you ask?
Well, nothing in my arsenal impacts my day-to-day productivity more than the iPad.
My iPad helps me get shit done.
Shout out to Moses.
If you’ve every tried to work on your iPhone while out and about, or even on your laptop, you quickly realize there are – limitations.
One’s too small and cramped.
The other’s too big and bulky.
But my iPad is just right.
I power through emails.
Knock out to-do’s.
I’m generally bout-it-bout-it.
Bout-it bout-it=handling one’s business in a professional and thorough manner.
When I’m rocking with my iPad, you might as well give me a cape and call me the Black Superman.
I gets that busy.
So if you see me out and about, fondling or kissing my iPad, and it makes you feel…uncomfortable…
Avert your eyes.
Nothing’s going to stand in the way of my love.