Tag Archives: pet peeve

“Hey Facebook, does this shirt make me look fat?”

Does this shirt make me look fat?

Hey Facebook, does this shirt make me look fat?

Note: You can file this under “rant.”

Do you know what I absolutely hate?

People who live their every breathing minute on Facebook.

It’s one of my biggest pet peeves.

You know who I’m talking about.

Troll your feed and you’ll see them.

They’re the ones with the frequent status updates.

Every Frappuccino consumed.

Every traffic jam.

Every stubbed toe.

Every <insert other inane activity you could give  a shit about here>.

And the pictures.

Loads of pictures.

They post every vacation ever taken, airplane wing, cocktail umbrella, toe shots and all.

Every shot of their kid from ultrasound to graduation.

Every shoe, seashell, snowfall.

Riddle me this Joker: why do people post multiple head shots of themselves?

Have they forgotten how they look?

Do they fear that without that same-angled-plastered-smile-arm-length-self-portrait shot, we won’t remember them?

Maybe it’s just vanity.

I mean, Facebook is a big ego-stroke.

It was designed to give its users a platform to share.

But damn!

Zuckerberg didn’t necessarily want you to reveal the most minute and insignificant detail about yourself and your every waking hour.

I mean, do we really need to know that your STD test came back negative (or positive)?

Or that your momma had her bunions removed?

And it’s not Dear Abbey.

“Hey FB fam, I just shat. Should I wipe front to back or back to front?”

“Facebook, if he’s sleeping with her, but tells me he loves me, should I stay with him?”

“I’ve got a toothache, Facebook. Should I take something or tough it out?”

Stop asking for advice.

Don’t you realize that your proclamation that you “don’t need a man!” only serves to alert the world that you are (once again) alone?

And – in point of fact – actually in need of a man?

All I’m saying is that there is such a thing as over sharing.

Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.

Yes. I live in a glass house.

Right now it’s full of shattered panes as I toss rocks at the rest of you.

I know I’m guilty of the occasional over-share or posting of frivolous bullshit.

Once I even posted a picture of myself on the throne.

Which I’ve tastefully and artistically recreated above for my loyal readers.

But I digress.

Seriously, take these small bits of advice.

Unless you’re an exhibitionist or shameless fame seeker, keep your Facebook posting to a dull murmur.

If you’ve added your mug to your Facebook album, wait at least a month before posting another. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

The multiple shots of yourself in the car, in the ladies bathroom at your job, sitting at the bar in TGIF – is overkill. Be selective.

If you’re mad at someone, tell them – privately.  Fighting on Facebook  is just…immature.

Finally, every once in a while, post about how you’re going to be taking a break from Facebook.

Everyone loooovves getting that post.

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Filed under rant, Smack talking, social media

Don’t f*#k!ng text and drive!!

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Anyone who knows me knows that people who can’t drive is one of my biggest pet peeves.

If you’re just a bad driver, by no fault of your own, I despise you still, but I tolerate you on the road.

But if you’re actively engaged in behavior that diminishes your driving capacity, I struggle with my road rage to restrain myself from forcing you off the road and pummeling you with my size thirteens.

Why all this hostility, you ask?

I was heading into the city from Jersey on Route 280, when I happened upon this Zipcar, a grey, weaving Toyota Corolla.

Dude was in the left lane, the fast lane, intermittently stepping on his brakes, when no braking hazard existed.

Despite the fact that there were no cars ahead of him, he was driving like an absolute ninny, and refused to either speed up or cede the lane (to the growing line of cars behind him).

It wouldn’t have been so bad if I could have gotten around him, but the traffic in the right lane was equally anemic, so I was trapped.

Mind you, for like 3 or 4 miles, this dude was weaving, braking, and generally causing me to curse his very existence.

When the opportunity to pass this fool (on the right) presented itself, I floored it, pulling astride him to deliver my fiercest what-the-f*ck-is-up-with-you glare.

Imagine how much angrier I was, when I realized that dude was TEXTING on his phone!

His head was down, and he was furiously typing with his right hand, while steering with his left.

As his head was down, my fierce what-the-f*ck-is-up-with-you glare was totally wasted on him, and I sped off angrily, wondering how many other drivers this dude was going to frustrate before getting to his destination.

From the amount of time I spent behind this jerk, he must have been carrying on a complete conversation via text.

If dude really had to send off a text that badly, he could have simply pulled over, tapped out his little message, and saved us (or at least me) unneeded aggravation.

But noooo, he had to get me all riled up!

Now look at what he made me go do!

I already ranted about bad drivers before!

Anyway, I feel much better now, and that moron lives to text and drive another day.

1 Comment

Filed under mobile, rant